Phantasmagoria
by ectoChemist
Summary: Also known as "Tumblr! The Musical", this fanfic has been compared to the feel-factor of Hussie himself. Just throwing that out there. UPDATE: Complete. Look for next installment, in theatres near you.
1. In Which Rose is a Dork

**Hi intelligent life! **

**If you are here, you are reading my lovely fanfic, CRYSTALLIZE. Good job, you. If you are not here, you are deep within the void of space and time. (snickers)**

**Anyway, this fic will be triggering! Depression! Cutting! Alcohol! Nic Cage! But yeah, humanstuck highschoolstuck. Beware. 0.o**

**Thank you for reading! -ectoChemist **

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><p>If there was one thing that Rose could do well, it was play the violin.<p>

She didn't know why, but ever since she was little, she always felt comfortable in the orchestra rooms of school, plucking the strings of instruments and reading sheet music. She was _better_, _cleaner_ when she was playing a sonata written by Mozart or Beethoven three hundred years beforehand. And when she wasn't playing the violin, she was _composing_ something to play on the violin.

Her therapist said it was a good coping skill. Her mother said it was a beautiful way to get out her anger. Her friends cheered her on.

Still, despite being first chair soloist in the symphony orchestra, best of the best, nominated to play at Carnegie Hall, winning scholarships left and right…something was missing. Something that needed to be addressed.

* * *

><p>"Rose?"<p>

Rose brought her legs closer to her chin and sighed deeply as the water dripped from the faucet into the bathtub. The bathroom was dark, no lights, no candles, no lamps blazing. She felt like giggling almost at the fact that she was bathing near constantly, a modern Blanche DuBois, pre-psychotic break, that is. The thought of a psychotic break brought her back to reality however, and she swallowed dryly, stared at the wet stubble on her legs, pale blonde hair floating in the lukewarm water of the tub.

"Rose, where are you?"

Rose stiffened at her mother's voice, looked up. "Damn it," she whispered, standing up and turning of the faucet, unplugging the drain. "I'm in the bath, Mom."

"Okay, darling!" called her mother from the other side of the door. "Just wondering where you were."

Rose sighed, grabbed the fluffy black towel on the sink and ran it down her sides. She winced when it fell against her legs and forearms, but ignored it and made her hair—a short Mohawk with a slight purple streak, much to her mother's dismay—akin to dandelion fluff. A heavy black sweater with her favorite octopus insignia went over a yellow bra, and her fishnets and skirt were put on hastily. She stared at herself for a moment in the mirror, eyes wide, and wanted to cry. "What the hell, Rose," she whispered, grabbing the liquid eyeliner and violet eye shadow. Her face was moonlight pale, brushed with the slightest flaws, which made it all the more desirable. She didn't bother with any cover-up or foundation—she wasn't like that. Hell, she couldn't even get up in the morning some days. But the black lipstick was a must. It _was_ School Pride week.

She opened the bathroom door and was overcome with the sense of pure teen angst that she had nearly every day. _Power through it, Rosie_, she thought, and went down the stairs.

"Rose!" smiled her mother, standing at the kitchen table. She was holding a bottle of cherry merlot and a wineglass. "Sweetie, you look _shooooo_ good."

Slurring at seven in the morning was a bad sign. Rose swallowed and smiled as brightly as she could. "So do you, Mom," she said, noticing how thin her mother was looking. She wondered briefly if she was going back to the bulimic tendencies. "I like your pearls."

"Thanks, dearest darling Rosie," said her mom, sauntering past the kitchen table and nearly crashing into the counter. She giggled breathlessly and held her throat. "God, I feel light as air."

"I'm sure you do," said Rose, pouring herself a cup of coffee, black. "Are you going to send out the letters to the bridesmaids today?"

She made sure to make her voice loud and clear. Her mother turned, alert, with a slight frown. "What?"

"The letters. To the bridesmaids. Announcing that they are bridesmaids."

"Oh, yes!" said her mother, laughing hysterically. "So true. I have them in pretty pink envelopes and everything."

"I love you Mom," said Rose, running her hand through her Mohawk.

Rose's mom smiled. "I love you too."

* * *

><p>After breakfast (two black coffees, Starbucks a la white girl), Rose went upstairs into the dark cavern that was her room. When she was thirteen it was covered with posters of obscure bands and psychological disorders because she thought it would be cool to be angst ridden to some extent. Now that she was seventeen and <em>so sophisticated, <em>she was sure that music was the way to salvation. Otherwise, she might as well have been dead.

She logged into Facebook and began instant messaging John. He didn't reply immediately, so it seemed necessary to call him.

"Hey," she said a little unsteadily. "How are you?"

"Practicing some stupid Chopsticks with actual chopsticks thing," he said. It was weird, now that he was an actual guy and not a little boy. It was also weird because he was probably less of a virgin than she was. The thought sent shivers down her spine. "What do you need, Rosie?"

"Mom's drunk," she said instantaneously, and he sighed.

"Should I tell my dad?"

"I don't know. She was great for months. I just think the pressure of the wedding is getting to her."

"This really sucks," said John, and Rose thought she could hear him choking up. "Your mom is really cool, did you know that?"

_yes she is the coolest mom ever she's just broken beyond repair _"Well, yeah, John," said Rose, half sighing. "I was really calling about Kanaya."

"Maryam?"

"How many Kanayas go to our school, John?"

"One…"

"Well, exactly."

"And you are interested why?"

"Because she's fucking hot, John."

John laughed. "Damn it, Rose. Why are you so fucking…um…"

"Obnoxiously homosexual? I don't know," said Rose, brushing her fingers against the strings of her violin. "Look, she's second cellist, she designs her own clothes, and it looks like she's going to Rhode Island next year for school. I hate her. She's amazing. I want to have sex with her."

"Well then," said John. "Are you sure you'd only settle for second cellist?"

"Yes!" exclaimed Rose. "She's wonderful!"

"Whatever," said John. "Listen, Rose, I've gotta go. Dave is on the other line."

"Damn it," said Rose. "Fuck you, John."

"Fuck you, too."

Rose hung up and smiled at the ceiling. Hopefully she would have a homecoming date. Hopefully it would be Kanaya Maryam.


	2. In Which John is a Dork

The fight song was playing, cheerleaders were running through the halls, and Feferi Peixes, the homecoming queen, was making out with Sollux Captor.

"The high school experience, Rose!" shouted John. "Is it not magnificent? Such grace! Such dignity! Such awesomeness!"

"John, shut up," said Rose, but she was laughing. School Pride week was ridiculous. It was their senior year, and watching the school robotics team—lead by the quarterback, Equius Zahhak—was quite awesome. "We're fucking geeks."

"That may be true, but we are siblings," he said. "Gay siblings."

Rose rolled her eyes and caught a glance of the ever present, ever gorgeous Kanaya Maryam. "Holy shit."

"What is it?"

"She's here."

"Well, she's a cheerleader."

Rose punched John on the shoulder, a little too close for comfort. He winced. "I don't care. Should I talk to her?"

"I guess?" he asked. "I mean, if you want to?"

"I'd really like to," admitted Rose, smoothing out the Mohawk. "Like, because she's hot. And I'm physically/mentally attracted to her."

"Oh my God, Rose, stop," said John, sighing as Gamzee Makara, class douche bag, zoomed past on his long board. "Ew. It's that juggalo kid."

"Gross," said Rose. "But whatever. Kanaya will be my date! Forever. And always."

"Quoting Gaiman?"

"Coraline."

"Likewise."

Rose felt her mind drifting for a moment. John was obviously talking, but still. When she started drifting, she couldn't control it. It was probably undiagnosed ADHD or something. When she got back into reality, John was talking excitedly to Tavros Nitram, boy wonder. Okay. So maybe he wasn't "_boy wonder"_ quality yet, but Rose was pretty sure that Tavros was a super hero or something. He _was_ adorable, after all.

"Guys, I'm going to Earth and Space," said Rose vaguely, smiling to herself. John nodded dismissively, concentrating all of his energy on Tavros. _Cute. _

She walked through the corridors and tried to think about everything that didn't pertain to dark, depressive topics—a hard thing to do, seeing as she was a little bit in the depressed zone. There were pretty girls throughout the halls, and Rose couldn't help but feel a bit antagonized by their prowess. After all, they were kick ass and she was bisexual. It kind of went together like Faygo and naan (**that doesn't go together in anyone's mind but Rose's. Shhh.) **

Suddenly, Rose was swept out of her daze and into another plane of reality—the one where her face was shoved against someone else's. Someone with glasses and a nose piercing and very nice lips.

"I'm so sorry!" gasped the girl she had crashed into. Rose felt totally disoriented, but the girl—oh, joy, girl—was probably a thousand times worse off. She was taller than Rose by at least five inches, with long, dark hair streaked with faded blond highlights, an oversized sweater, dark tights, and, amazingly, a small array of pins on her back pack strap devoted to a variety of comics, fandoms, and music. Also, what really got to Rose was the fact that this new girl was Indian or Arabic or something to that variety, which was extremely cool in their small, North Midwestern high school where only John and a handful of kids contributed to the P.O.C population.

"It's okay!" shouted Rose. "Are you bleeding? Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Why am I yelling?"

The new girl laughed and wiped the blood off her mouth. "I'm totally okay! I promise! I love your Mohawk? And your sweater?"

"Thank you!" cheered Rose, who couldn't help but eye new girl. _Damn._ "I cut it myself."

"Sweet! That's like, super cool!"

Rose blushed. "Um, I'm Rose Lalonde," she said, awkwardly sticking out her hand. "Are you a senior too?"

"Yeah," said new girl. "I'm Jade Harley. I just got transferred here."

"Awesome-sauce," smiled Rose. "What's your next class?"

"Earth and Space with Mr…um…"

"Ampora?" Rose felt her heart quicken. "Omigod, that's my next class!"

"Cool!" said Jade. She actually looked excited. Did girls normally look that excited when they heard that they were going to a class with a girl with a Mohawk? Rose really didn't know. "Is he nice?"

"He's a little weird, but other than that, it's a really fun class," said Rose, trying to ignore whatever was making her like this girl. _Damn it, Rosie. _"Where'd you transfer from?"

Jade seemed to shut up momentarily. "Um, Eastwood. It was okay."

Rose felt a bit awkward. "Was it."

"Yeah," said Jade, looking down at her schedule sheet. "Is this it?"

They were in the science hallway, which was quintessentially empty except for a few freshen and science majors. "Yes," said Rose, and she forced a smile. "I'll have to warn you, though. Mr. Ampora is a little bit intimidating to new students."

"That's okay," said Jade, smiling. "I'm good at adapting."

* * *

><p>"So who's the new girl?" asked John at lunch.<p>

They were at Taco Bell and were devouring bean and cheese burritos. Rose gulped down some Mountain Dew and attempted to configure a sentence of elegance and poise. Instead, she came up with "Jade Harley."

"She's hot," said John through a mouth full of burrito. "For a girl."

"Shut up," said Rose. She looked over his shoulder and saw—_holy shit_—Kanaya Maryam walk in, arms linked with Terezi Pyrope and Vriska Serket. "Holy shit, she's here."

"Jade?"

"No, Kanaya."

John sighed. "Why are you so obsessed with that girl?"

"Because she's hot," whined Rose.

"Is that your new favorite adjective or something? Because I'm pretty sure that it is."

"Once again, shut up, Egderp," said Rose, concentrating on Kanaya. "Damn. I'd tap that."

"Holy _shit_!" said John, busting out laughing. The Cheerleaders glanced in their direction, along with the rest of the prolific Mexican-American restaurant, and Rose snorted water through her nose in laughter.

"Hey, can you be a little quieter?" asked Vriska, wrinkling her nose. She was one of the only black girls at school, with thick knotty dreadlocks and a tendency to talk incessantly about art school. Rose liked her well enough, but she _didn't _like how close she was to Kanaya. Ew. _That_ cheerleader was going to be her date (hopefully).

"'Kay," called John, blinking ever so flirtatiously. Having John be flirtatious was weird. Rose almost gagged and for a moment had one of her rare shipping moments. Then, as suddenly as it began, it was over, and she saw Kanaya talking ever so frivolously to Vriska, looking like she was in rapture.

"Well, _they're _into each other," said John plainly, drinking his Mountain Dew. Rose sighed. Boys were really stupid sometimes. Obviously they were just friends. Or something.

_Damn it,_ thought Rose. Their hands were linked. They were getting progressively closer as they stood in line. Kanaya laughed at every single thing Vriska said. Rose studied them with the glare of a thousand burning suns.

"Hole-y shit," said John, whistling as Vriska squeezed Kanaya's ass. "That's hot."

"Shut up," said Rose, feeling herself start to go under. "Damn it."

_Damn it, indeed._

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><p><strong>So I feel bad (mildly) because I'm characterizing Rose as a major brat right now, but it feels so...I don't know...right? Like if you think about it all of the kids would probably be major douche bags because yeah. : **

**Anyway, most of this is pre-written, and I actually outlined this, which is hilarious-creative writing joke-and the whole time I'm writing this I'm just trying to get a scholarship for being tall, because that's a thing. Yeah. 0.o **

**3 ectoChemist**


	3. In Which Some Triggering Shit Happens

**(quietly freaks out because of the update)**

**Hello! Thank you for reading! Please review! **

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><p>John Egbert woke up at seven fifteen in the morning. His head was killing him. Hell, his <em>throat <em>was killing him. But whatever. He had a date.

He rolled out of bed, grabbed his iPhone and texted Tavros Nitram. Anxiety overtook him nearly immediately, but when Tavros responded, he exhaled deeply and felt _amazing._

_Love you too. _

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><p>Across town, in a somewhat larger house, Rose Lalonde was crying.<p>

"Rosie, calm down," said her mother, who miraculously wasn't slurring her words. "Come on, sweetie."

"I can't," sobbed Rose, shaking as she tried to inch closer into her closet. "Mom, please just go away."

Her mom was crying now, too. "Rose, please," she said, reaching towards her, her nails perfectly manicured. "Just tell me what's wrong."

"I _can't_," said Rose, slamming the door behind her. She was angry now—whatever this emotion was that had overtaken her was _not _just some psychological construct. She actually felt quite terrible, and she wanted to be punished for being stupid and ugly and simply _thinking _of anything good.

The bathroom was white with pearly pink tiles. Rose opened the cabinet, shaking, and ignored her mother's calls. The razors were in a box—disposable ones, and next to them, the extra sharp ones that her mother used on meetings. "Holy shit," whispered Rose, tearing one apart. Her fingers were lacerated with little cuts as she broke it apart. "Bitch."

For a moment, Rose caught her reflection in the mirror. She tried to remember what it was like, _before _any of this stupid triggering/ridiculous/retarded stuff happened, and wanted to scream.

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><p>It was passing time when his phone rang.<p>

"John?" asked Rose's mom. Her voice was trembling. He wondered if she had been drinking.

"Hey, Roxy!" he said, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. "Is something wrong?"

Her words were muddled, too fast, a blur of adjectives and nouns.

"Wait, what?"

"_Rosie tried to kill herself_," said an exasperated Roxy, and she broke into tears through the phone. "Please come to the hospital."

John stared at the phone. "What?"

She had already hung up.

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><p>When John got to North, he thought he knew what to expect.<p>

His grandmother—or at least, the woman who had raised him—had died when he was twelve. He went to North every weekend to visit until she passed. Rules and regulations on the oncology ward were kind of his forte.

Things were different, though, when John arrived at the pediatric intensive care unit. Because Rose was only seventeen and had attempted suicide, she would be on 24 hour supervision by a nurse and would—if not stable by the end of the week—go to the local mental health facility. He was greeted by his father as soon as he arrived on the ward, and was embraced deeply.

"How is she?" he whispered.

"She lost a lot of blood," said Mr. Egbert gravely. "Did you know that she was cutting, John? Did anything trigger her?"

"What do you mean?" asked John. He felt a wave of guilt. _Is there anything that I could have done?_ "I didn't even know that Rose—was—well—_depressed_."

Mr. Egbert sighed. "I don't know if Roxy is taking it all that well," he said. "I'm just worried about—" He stopped himself abruptly, then looked at his kid directly in the eyes. "Son. Be a good brother, and friend. Rose really needs your help right now."

John nodded.

"She will most likely have to go to a psychiatric ward."

John felt like crying.

"Right now…she hasn't stopped crying for about three hours."

John didn't know how to react.

"Can you help her?"

John thought about it and nodded.

"Good job."

John inhaled, closed his eyes, and entered Rose's room.

* * *

><p>The weird thing about Rose was that even though physically she was kind of lithe and elf like—was that too weird? It was probably weird—she looked positively miniature on the bed. Her eyes were red and swollen, mascara streaked all over her face. She was wearing a powder blue hospital gown. Worst of all, her arms were in heavy bandages.<p>

John felt invisible entering the room. Roxy was half asleep, her hands resting against lap, always managing to look elegant despite tragedy. Rose was awake, though—her violet eyes stared directly into John's blue ones, and he felt almost guilty for not feeling as much. Then, as suddenly as it passed, she smiled, if not a little weakly, and waved.

"Hey, Rose," he said, sitting in a chair next to her bed. "Looking peevish."

Rose nodded. "I do sort of feel like shit," she said, studying her fingernails.

Everything seemed like it would be the wrong thing to say. John almost wanted to have a panic attack. "Is there okay food here?" he asked awkwardly.

Rose almost laughed. "No, John."

"Um."

"It's okay, John," she said, staring at the wall behind him. "I think this is a big lesson in mortality for all of us."

John actually wanted to strangle her then. "Okay?"

"I just feel really stupid," she said, sinking into the bed. "Apparently my potassium levels are low, so I have to eat a banana every half an hour."

John gave her a quizzical look. She bit her lip. "I…it's complicated."

"Rose, I think you should tell me whatever is wrong," he said. "Right now."

She sighed. "You know Bro?"

"Yeah?" asked John.

"He's my dad."

John stared at her. "Like…"

"Yeah."

"Your actual dad?"

"My real dad."

"Like, "Put on Maury for Legitimacy" real dad?"

"No, but I found my birth certificate, and Dirk Strider is my father, and I'm a twin," said Rose, sinking into the bed a little more. "So I guess that makes Dave my brother?"

"Woah," said John, feeling a little weird. "That's heavy."

"Yeah," said Rose, sighing. "But that's not why I'm depressed."

"…okay?"

Rose seemed to have some difficulty swallowing. It took several seconds for her to actually speak. "You know summer camp?"

"Fifth grade?" asked John. He had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Do you…do you remember that one counselor?"

"Yeah," said John. "Carlos or something?"

"He…he wasn't all that nice," said Rose, her voice breaking. "John, you can't tell anybody."

John felt a mild moral disagreement within himself. "Oh my God."

"John?"

"Did he…"

"Yeah."

John wanted to slam his face into the wall. Rather, he wanted to slam _Carlos-whatever-his-name's-face_ into the wall. "Rose, you should tell someone."

"I can't."

"Rose, if he molested you—"

"Shh!"

"You could have a disease or something!"

"I don't care," said Rose in monotone. "After all, that was seven years ago. He's probably a carnie or something now."

"You could sue him and get justice," said John.

"I don't want to see him ever again."

John sighed. "I—"

Rose's mom startled awake. "Oh, John, you're here!"

"Hey, Roxy," he said, feeling intensely conflicted. "You okay?"

"I don't even know," she said, looking pale. "I think I'm going to be sick."

She ran to the bathroom, and John and Rose heard vomit hit water. "Ew," said Rose. "She's probably hung over."

"I don't know," said John, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. "I really don't know."


	4. In Which Roxy Proves Her Momliness

**...dramabombs ahead in the next few chapters...**

**I think you may come to hate me collectively? As a group? Because I'm very good at this "causing characters pain" thing? **

**Okay bye.**

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><p>When John and Rose were little kids, they would look up the definitions of random words in an ancient dictionary left behind by Rose's grandmother. They had a list of code words—phantasmagoria, cataplexy, metagalaxy—that they used when in distress, "cataplexy" used the most often. Rose couldn't help but think of the list of adjectives and nouns when she got out of the hospital.<p>

It had been three days since she had slit her wrists when she exited the children's ward with her mother. Deemed stable enough to go on to do normal activities, her mother held her hand gently and lead her to the cafeteria, where they bought bagels and Starbucks. Roxy kissed her ever so lightly on the forehead before sipping her drink tentatively. "I love you, sweetie," she said, her eyes welling up. "I really do."

Rose didn't really know how to respond to that. After all, she did love her mother, but she felt undeniably worthless right now. She was filthy and wrong and gross. She should be _dead._

They finished eating and walked to the parking lot. "Jonathan has the car," said Roxy, looking a little tired around the eyes. Was that new? "John is at school, of course, and I was thinking that before we officially left…we could go to the park. We need to discuss something, Rosie."

Rose swallowed. "Okay?"

Her mother appeared to be equally uncomfortable. "Aren't these trees pretty?"

They were near the entrance of the park. There was an iron wrought gate and long grasses everywhere in sight. Rose couldn't really see anything special about the trees, but she really didn't have a choice in responding. "They do look nice," she said, feeling the bandages underneath her sweater. "I like the leaves when they're red and gold."

"Change," said Roxy randomly. "Do you know why seasons occur?"

"Not really."

"Guess."

"Um…orbit?"

"Wrong," said Roxy. "It all has to do with axial tilt. Most graduates of Harvard don't know that."

"Cool?"

They passed a young couple. The girl was wearing a tight fitting knit cap and had no eyebrows. Rose felt an immense wave of guilt—for just being depressed? For not being sick enough?—and tried to ignore all of her emotions at once. Such a feat proved to be impossible.

Roxy coughed. Rose looked up from the middle distance; her mother seemed to be more somber than usual. In fact, was she actually being serious? "So, we need to talk about something that's coming up."

Rose frowned nervously. "What do you mean?"

"I _am_ getting married next month," said Roxy, smiling a little. She quickly became quiet, however, and a shadow passed over her face. "But due to some recent developments, it was decided that we are moving to a new house."

Rose was a little more than stunned. "I thought we had enough room at both houses?"

"This house is exponentially better in all ways, Rosie," said Roxy. "There is an observatory, a larger kitchen, and it's by the lake."

Something was unsaid.

"You're not telling me something, Mom," said Rose.

She sighed deeply. "This is a very complicated subject and I don't know if you can handle it right now."

"What, Mom?" She was nearing the point of exasperation.

"Jonathan and I…" Roxy looked mildly panicked. "I'm thirty six. That's not fossil, yet."

"Okay?" asked Rose, genuinely confused. Usually her mother made _some _sense.

"I've always wanted…to really be in love with someone. Do you know what I mean?"

"Not really?"

Roxy sat down on a bench. Rose followed suit, if not a little awkwardly. "When Dirk and I had you and Dave, we were barely out of high school," said Roxy. "We didn't know what we were doing. I barely was a functional human being, let alone mother."

Rose felt a sick sense of dread and knowledge. "Um…"

"Rose, look at me."

"I really—"

"Honey, this is important."

"I don't know if that's true or not—"

"_Rose, I'm pregnant."_

Dear lord.

Rose felt like she had been punched in the gut. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," said Roxy. She thought for a moment. "No pun intended."

Rose closed her eyes, tried to imagine an Egbert/Lalonde child. _Oh, the terror. _"How…how far along are you?"

"Two months along."

"Can…I'm kind of stuck on visualizing…"

"Sweetie."

Rose started crying. Roxy engulfed her in an embrace. "Shh, honey."

"But I'm scared, Mom."

"Look, sweetie," said Roxy, kissing her. "This is a good thing. For both of us. I know that you're scared. I know. I am too. But this will work. We'll work through this."

Rose sniffled out a "yes" and laughed. "Okay, Mom."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

><p>When she came back, it was like nothing had ever happened. In fact, nothing probably did happen, for all she knew. But when she saw John, she smiled as brightly as she could, and she felt a wave of relief.<p>

* * *

><p>It would've been an average Tuesday morning if Rose wasn't overcome with the sense of magic disillusionment that she had gained after leaving the hospital. She was going to be a big sister, weirdly enough, and the fact that she now had <em>two siblings <em>plus one on the way was amazingly enlightening. So when she reached Earth & Space, Jade Harley clearly was just another gift from God.

"Hey!" she called from across the room. Rose smiled and waved. Oh thank God there was another human being in this class who understood decency and junk. Thank fucking God. "Come over here!"

Jade was sitting with Terezi Pyrope, the cheerleader who had been in Taco Bell, and Aradia Megido, the archaeologist goth chick. They were all talking frivolously and looked very inviting.

"Where have you been, chica?" asked Jade, giving her some candy.

Rose had been given a standard response by her new psychiatrist to tell everyone when she got out of the hospital: _I was sick with the flu. _The thing is, however, Rose did not like lying, whatsoever. Lies were retrograde. So she swallowed, smiled, and said "I was in the hospital."

"Oh, my God! Are you okay?" asked Terezi, her face a mask of concern.

"Kind of," admitted Rose. "I'm still a little sick, but my doctor said I'm stable."

Jade hadn't taken her eyes off of her. "Are you sure?" she asked, biting her lower lip. "You look pale."

"She's a typical white girl, Jade," said Aradia, rolling her eyes. "I mean, at least she's alive."

Rose forced laughter. "What have I missed, though?"

"We're looking over barred spiral galaxies," said Terezi, rolling her eyes behind her glasses. It was common knowledge that she was going in for treatment for some kind of degenerative cornea disease—her boyfriend, Karkat Vantas, was incredibly concerned and actually offered to help pay for surgery, not that it was needed. Her mother was running for Supreme Court and was loaded. "Personally I like the nebulae section so much more, though. Latula's skateboards have Bubble Nebula decal all over the wheels."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, neither do I care," said Aradia in deadpan. Terezi side punched her, and Aradia smiled victoriously. "Hey, doll. Just saying."

"Stop fighting, weirdoes," said Jade, grinning. "Seriously, Rose, we're pretty far into this whole 'Senior Project' stuff. Have you chosen what you're going to do it on?"

"Um, musical composition, probably?" asked Rose. She hadn't really thought about the Senior Project. To be honest, all of September and October had been spent staring at Kanaya Maryam's hair. "Or maybe writing metafiction. Mr. Hussie's class is the best."

"Hussie, though," said Terezi, nodding approvingly. "I stare into those eyes and hope is bestowed upon a pedestal, torn away, and given to me once more."

"Creative writing is pretty cool," admitted Aradia. "Do you have Hussie for anything, Jade?"

"Nope," said Jade. "I'm taking a botany class, some AP chemistry, human resources biology…just science stuff."

"Loser," joked Aradia.

"Hey, I want to major in some kind of science," said Jade. "Maybe geology. Or Earth Sciences in general. Although everything science-y is cool."

"Harley, you're such a nerd," said Rose, rolling her eyes. _Also you're hot._ "Hey, did you guys hear about that Gamzee kid?"

"Yeah!" gasped Terezi. "Omigod, at the dance he was trying to grope me and stuff!"

"Ew!" chorused the girls.

"He's such a jackass," said Aradia, picking at her nails. "Like, talk about a fucking stoner."

"Oh my sweet baby Jesus, he makes me feel adequate in society," said Rose.

Jade frowned. "You know why he's like this, right?"

"What do you mean?" asked Rose. "You just got here, like, a week ago."

"His _brother _is the jackass," said Jade in a low voice. "Talk about stupid. Their dad is trying to kick out Gamzee because Kurloz took pictures of him after he beat him up."

_Kurloz. _"I saw those on Facebook," said Terezi. "That was pretty sick, but it doesn't give him a right to grope me."

"I'm not saying it does," said Jade, "but some fucked up shit is going on in that house, and I don't think—Rose? Are you okay?"

Rose's lower lip trembled. She felt like she was going to throw up. _Kurloz. Carlos. Camping. Holy shit. _


	5. Triggering Shit Part Two: The Triggering

**I feel like the author of My Immortal, if the author of My Immortal had any guilt. **

**Okay, so seriously, though. That was my whole introduction to the fan based literary world. It kind of rocked my world. Like, my god tier is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. (no. I'm just making a very bad joke, to those of you who can not take sarcasm as is and need thorough explanation) **

**Anyway, I brought up My Immortal because this chapter is triggering. Like, really triggering. Like, Gamzee is a fucking dick in the worst way, character death, rape, etcetera. So, um, read at your own risk? Okay. Cool. **

**Thanks to anyone who has reviewed. You're my buddy. **

* * *

><p>It was a dark and stormy night. Unfortunately for everyone, it was also Halloween, so the school was nearly crammed full with students for the annual dance.<p>

"This school has so many dances it is ridiculous," said Vriska Serket, applying her eyeliner with the most caring of touches. "I mean, it's not like we're in middle school or something."

"Shut up, Vris," said Kanaya, batting her eyelashes as she smoothed on her black lipstick. "I think you're just upset because that pirate costume doesn't fit you nice."

Vriska grumbled and gave Kanaya's hair a sharp tug. Kanaya squealed in protest, laughing delicately. She had been harboring a crush on her since grade school. Were feelings like that rational? She didn't really know. But Vriska wasn't into her like that. She was sure of it.

"You're a sexy little vampire, though," said Vriska admittedly. Kanaya felt proud in the limelight. She didn't like cheerleading, but Vriska had suggested that they join in order to get to the boys on the football team. Maybe a boy would make her feel normal. "Cutie."

"Thanks," blushed Kanaya. "I…I didn't mean it when I said you looked bad."

"Suck up," snorted Vriska, her long dreadlocks loose. "You sound like such a dyke."

_Well then. _"Sorry."

"Why don't you try to dance with Equius Zahhak?" asked Vriska, totally oblivious to her friend's emotions. "He's wearing some weird horse head or something. It's kind of cute."

"No thanks," said Kanaya, feeling exponentially down. "I…I don't really want to dance with anyone." _Except for you. _

"Um…then how about Karkat Vantas?"

"He's Terezi's boyfriend," reminded Kanaya.

"So?"

Kanaya withheld a gasp. "Where are your morals?"

"True," said Vriska. "Anyway, he's weird. Wait! Eridan Ampora!"

"Ew," said Kanaya, and she actually meant it. Eridan was gross. He smelled, loved, and looked like a fish. "He's gross."

"I think he's hot," said Vriska.

"I think you're delusional."

Vriska stuck out her tongue. "Loser."

_Asshole._ "Sorry."

* * *

><p>"Rose?"<p>

Rose looked up from the psychology text book, still a little distracted, and saw her mother in the doorway. "Yes?"

"Just wanted to see how you were," said Roxy, approaching her anxiously. She was becoming a little rounder, and it was odd seeing her not wasted. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"No thank you," said Rose. She closed her eyes. "I'm just really tired. You know. Love is a psychological construct, thus it cannot be measured by any scientific instrument, yadda yadda."

Roxy smiled. "You're a cool kid."

"I guess?"

Roxy seemed to be thinking about something, something darkly important. "Yeah. Have you seen Dave lately?"

"No?"

"Huh," said Roxy, playing with her hair. "You should try to get through to him. You know. For the wedding."

Rose tried to imagine Dave Strider at a wedding. _Oh my God._ "I don't know if that's a good idea, Mom."

Roxy gave out a little half smile. "I wouldn't be so sure, Rosie."

* * *

><p>Rose got to the dance fifteen minutes late. John held her arm, and she swallowed nervously as she tottered in heels.<p>

"Are you sure being Glinda isn't too much?" she asked, ever self-conscious, feeling a wave of disdain.

"You look beautiful," said John, and he was being completely honest. "Darling Rose? To your left you will see someone quite stunning."

She glanced over her shoulder and was stunned temporarily by the bright glare of what appeared to be a glowing orb. When her vision cleared, she saw Kanaya Maryam, standing alone in the center of the gym, her hair woven into an outlay of elegant braids.

"Oh dear lord," she whispered, feeling her heart thrum in her chest like a bird. "She looks—"

"Breathtaking," said John. "I know. You should go dance with her."

Rose wanted to slap him. "I…I can't."

"She looks like she needs someone," said John. "And you're pretty good at being a hero."

Rose snorted. "You wish."

He shoved her, and she tripped, spinning halfway in the air, a ballerina of dark forces as she collapsed into someone's arms.

"Are you alright?" asked an all too familiar voice, and when Rose looked up, she saw Jade Harley, dressed as a wolf. "I think you may have sprained an ankle."

"No," said Rose. "I'm…fine."

She felt like a total idiot, stuttering, tripping, and was pissed at John, who had floated off into the abyss of dancers and bad music. Jade studied her inquisitively, however, and smiled. "Would you like to dance?"

"Excuse me?" asked Rose.

"Dancing is something I am quite fond of," said Jade, staring up at the ceiling, at the disco ball taking on many lights. "Or then again, maybe not. You just look really sad, Rose. If anything, I think we should go out."

"On a date?" blurted Rose.

Jade smiled. "Yes."

Rose batted her eyelashes coquettishly. "I can do nothing but accept, my dear."

They joined arms; for once, it didn't matter that anyone was staring, because Rose felt alive. John smiled and nodded, his hand entwined with Tavros's. Others barely noticed in the confusion. They were just dancers, after all.

* * *

><p>In the darkness of the night, Gamzee Makara, boy monster, howled at the moon.<p>

He was sick and tired of being beaten up. He didn't like being yelled at. He didn't want to have his stupid loser older brother and his stoner girlfriend watch him sleep.

Revenge seemed necessary.

He had stolen the X-acto knives from school a week before. Premeditated? Oh God, yes. And on Halloween, _Christ_. He would go down in history.

He saw the little bitch in her back yard, staring sleepily at zenith. For a brief second, there was a moment of no/why/she'sjustthirteen/ but it faded as soon as he saw her face. She looked just like Meulin, after all.

"Hey, Gamzee!" said Nepeta excitedly, her smile gap toothed, too innocent to exist happily anymore. "What're you doing here?"

"Oh, you know, not much," said Gamzee, running his hands through his hair. The blades were in his pocket. "Your parents home?"

"No, Gamzee. And Meulin and Kurloz are at the hydraulics store or something?"

"Good," he said, whipping out the knives. "Fuck you, kittybitch."

She screamed, but he slashed her face too quickly, then her skirt, her shirt, everything. He bet she was a virgin. She had to be.

"Fuck you!" he shouted, half sobbing. She cried, yelped, tried to beat up his chest, but her blood leaked all over and he laughed hysterically. "Fuck you, LITTLE CAT!"

"STOP IT!" she screamed. "GAMZEE, STOP!"

He heard the sirens before he saw the red and blue lights. He exited the scene in a flash, his clown make up smeared. He laughed as he crossed through the park and took off the belt, tied it in a knot, and jumped from the top of the play structure.

* * *

><p>The school had begun to exit the dance when the police cars pulled up in disorderly fashion. "The fuck?" asked a loud voice, and when Rose turned around, she saw a police officer staring at her, his eyes the color of coffee stains.<p>

"Miss," he said, and she felt a jolt of electricity run through her body. _Oh God please don't be anyone I know. _"We need to evacuate this building, immediately."

"Why?" she asked, her heart still fluttering in her chest. "What happened?"

"We believe that a sociopath is on the loose and may choose this school as his next target," said his partner, panting as he reached them. "Is everybody leaving?"

"The dance is over, yeah, but I don't know if I'm the best person to talk to," said Rose, biting her lower lip. "I mean—"

"This is incredibly important," said the police officer. "A girl was raped."

Rose stopped completely. That floating-falling-collapsing feeling was hitting her, hard. "No," she said, and she tried to steady herself. "Who?"

"Thirteen year old girl, near Madison," said the police officer. "It's pretty close to here. The suspect is Gamzee Makara."

"Oh my God," said Rose, trying not to puke. "Oh my God."

Jade came up from behind. "What's wrong?"

"A middle school kid got raped, and they're here, questioning us, because of that stupid Gamzee kid," hissed Rose. "Is he that innocent now?"

Jade swallowed. "Officer, I don't believe we know enough to really speak about this issue. Perhaps you could talk to the stoners?"

"There's stoners at this school?" asked an officer, eyes wide. "Damn."

Jade steadied Rose and walked her to her car. "Are you okay?"

"No," spit Rose, starting to cry. "I'm not okay, at all."

"Hey, hey, don't cry," said Jade, wiping a glistening tear off her cheek. "Something's really wrong. I can tell. Sweetie, what _happened?"_

Rose hesitated. She _did _dance with Jade. Maybe she could trust her.

"You know when I was out sick?" she asked cautiously.

"Yes?"

"I tried to kill myself," she said softly.

Jade sighed and reached for Rose's hands, caressing them gently. "Why?"

"I…I just feel like I'm being swallowed up by something too dark for this world," whispered Rose. "Like I'm becoming part of a void or something. And sometimes I remember everything and I start cutting and I just cut too much this time and—"

"I know this sounds stupid right now, but there's hope," said Jade. She looked a little unconvinced herself at first, but then she nodded, and there was brightness in her eyes that wasn't there before. "It's really hard to explain, but I've been there, and yes, it sucks. It really sucks, Rose. Life can suck, all the time, but there are brilliant little parts that make it completely awesome, and that makes it worth living."

"I just…" Rose buried her head into Jade's hair. "I feel so _empty_."

"I know," said Jade. "I can relate."

They held each other in the parking lot, completely alone, for about five minutes. Then Jade's words cut into the silence. "You can get through this."

"Sometimes I know I can, but it fades out," said Rose. "I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. Like, I'll have this great catharsis moment, and then I'll realize that I will die. When you're like this…like me, I guess…it's just so hard to differentiate in between moments of good and bad, because there isn't really a gray area. Everything is either totally enlightening or fucking horrible."

Jade stroked her hair. "I understand."

"I hope you do," said Rose. "I'm just not _sure_ you do."

Jade laughed a little. "Trust me, Rose, I do."

And then she kissed her, completely welcome, on the mouth.


	6. In Which Tumblr Became A Reality

**Hola. **

**So, I was thinking about not continuing this at all until random unnamed wonderful person at school read this. Then I felt morally obliged to update with 3,000 words plus and drama bombs everywhere. You know, because why the fuck not. **

**Also, the upd8. Kanaya. Rose. Everyone. All of my people. **

**I can't even cry anymore. All of the liquid is gone from my body. **

**...but this chapter starts with the main plot and junk, whereas weird shit starts happening. Fun shit. Drama shit. You know. Stuff that gives you the FEELS. **

* * *

><p>It was the Monday after the Halloween dance, and everyone at school was talking in hushed voices about Gamzee Makara's dead body.<p>

"The coroner said that he found scratches all over his back and his chest," whispered some girls in Earth & Space. Rose and Jade stayed close together. After the kiss, they had texted all night until they passed out respectively. "And that poor Nepeta kid…"

"Just ignore it," said Jade, and they sat down next to Aradia, who was fidgeting uncomfortably. "Hey. Is something wrong?"

"Yeah," said Aradia, her makeup a little bit smudged. "Just some stupid stuff with the school, honestly."

She paused, considered them with calculating eyes. "Are you okay with LGBTQA stuff?"

"What?" asked Rose, but Jade nodded.

"Yeah," she said, lifting her sleeve, revealing a rainbow charm bracelet. "I was wondering if there was a GSA here."

"That's the problem!" said Aradia, near exploding. She quieted down after some girls turned to stare at her. "I mean…I'm agender. And there isn't a GSA. So I tried to start one, but they shut it down immediately."

"What jerks," said Jade, shaking her head. Rose bit her lip.

"Um, what do you mean?" she asked, a little bit lost.

"Like, what?" asked Aradia.

"What's a GSA?"

"Gay straight alliance," said Jade quietly, looking a little embarrassed.

"Got it," said Rose, blushing.

Aradia smiled. "Are you two—"

"Sort of?" answered Rose, reaching for Jade's hand underneath the table.

She reciprocated. "Yes."

"Mad adorbz," said Aradia, cooing. "I'm just glad to know there's others. You know what I mean? Sometimes I just feel…alone."

Rose nodded. Aradia smiled, the tiny Goth kid was definitely in a comfort zone at this point, and willing to share.

"I want to change my name at some point. 'Aradia' sounds too girly, and if I went with 'Eric' or something I'd be a total guy. But I'm not like that. I'm me. I'm a person. It doesn't really matter that I have this gender thing attached to me as much as the fact that I want to exist, am I right?" Jade and Rose nodded. "Right. So when I told my dad that I wanted to start binding and not wearing dresses anymore, he freaked out. He said 'I'd rather have you be an emotional mess than one of those freaks'. He's a doctor. A fucking _doctor._ So having a GSA seemed like a better idea. But really? It didn't help at all, because this school is too fucking afraid for anything different too emerge."

Aradia closed zir eyes. "I'm so tired of this shit."

"Rightfully so," said Jade. "At my old school I was the vice president of the GSA. I…I was pretty popular at school. You know. California. But when I was transferred—" she swallowed "I didn't know what to expect. You guys have it really bad. Like, you don't know how bad. I mean, this school feels like a prison. At least get a GSA or something."

Rose didn't know what to say, but they looked to her, and she opened her mouth. "Um…I think I know what to do."

* * *

><p>It was storming outside on that particular Monday morning. Rain came down in heavy waves, Noah's predicted flood coming in the masses.<p>

John Egbert knew differently.

He gasped—not in pain, thank God—and felt himself let go a little inside of a lanky, Mohawk wearing boy's mouth. "Holy mother of Christ, Tav," he whispered, sinking a little into his seat. "What _was_ that?"

Tavros looked up. "My tongue piercing, I guess."

"Holy shit," said John, his eyes drifting up to the car's roof. "I think you're officially the best giver of blow jobs this world has ever known."

"Well, duh," said Tavros, winking a little. "I'm going to mother you a bit now."

He zipped up John's jeans, kissed him on the mouth, and sat up in shotgun. "I just wish this didn't have to be…secret."

John sighed. "Me too."

They stared at the rain, listened to it pour down, and watched happy, straight couples walk past.

"At least we have a car?"

"At least we have a car."

* * *

><p>Terezi Pyrope stared at the pregnancy test in total shock. "Holy. Fucking. Shit."<p>

Kanaya sat next to her quietly. "What are you going to do?"

"Tell Karkat, I guess?" said Terezi, trying not to cry. "Oh my God…Kanaya, what am I supposed to do? I have the single most pro-choice mother on the planet. She'll _force_ me to decide to make some kind of weird decision I'll end up regretting."

"That logic is a little impaired, but okay," said Kanaya. "Just…how far along are you?"

"I don't know!" whined Terezi. She felt like a little kid playing dress up. "I missed my period for probably…I don't know…three times?"

"Terezi, that's kind of stupid," said Kanaya, biting her lip. "Like, borderline ridiculous."

"Why?" asked Terezi, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"If you're out of the first trimester, you can't have an abortion," said Kanaya calmly. "And because you're you, I'd really recommend getting an abortion."

"No shit, Sherlock," said Terezi, feeling her blood pressure go up. "Fuck-fuck-fuck. Um. What should I do?"

"Tell your mom," said Kanaya. "I really can't deal with this right now."

"But…you're my best friend!"

"Terezi, I'm a sixteen year old girl who can barely make her own decisions," said Kanaya. "You're seventeen and a half. Please just deal with it."

Terezi started bawling as Kanaya left the bathroom, her own thoughts a muddled mess.

* * *

><p>Jade Harley closed her eyes and inhaled deeply before opening the front door.<p>

She hadn't ever really considered anywhere home ever since Grandpa died. Leaving her super awesome house with the gardens and everything…well, that sucked. Leaving that stupid island in the middle of the Pacific? Well, that was okay. But she really didn't know how to react to the whole "American citizen" thing, or how to deal with being an "average teenage girl". That was definitely weird.

After everything happened, she went into foster care. Nobody really wanted to adopt a twelve year old girl, anyway, not one who looked like her and acted like her and only trusted elderly gentlefolk. So she went from house to house, getting beat up, loved, touched, and all the more fucked up. She didn't know when she realized that she liked girls—probably during the whole Raven fiasco. Raven was tall and slim and pretty and fifteen when she was thirteen, and would occasionally slip into her bed at night to tell her stories about the future. Jade thought that was cool, because Raven had beautiful shoulder blades and spoke poetry. But Raven's dad was a jackass who hated everyone and thought that Jade was a little "dyke slut whore", so he beat Jade up, like, _hospital _bad. She started shooting stuff after that.

This foster home was weird, though. As in, really, really weird.

There were two other kids—eleven year old twins, Caliborn and Calliope. Caliborn had anger issues, some form of a personality disorder, and was in general a mess. Jade only felt a little bit sorry for him, though, because he was a total brat. Calliope, on the other hand, was incredibly sensitive and had severe emotional abandonment problems.

Ms. Paint, the foster parent, was cool, at least. She was an artist or something and actually fed them, which was nice. Jade still felt wary, though, as she went from room to room. Anything could happen in foster care. _Anything._

"Hey, Callie," said Jade as she entered, placing her backpack on the table. "Are you okay?"

"I guess," said Calliope. She was using with oil pastels over ink pen, all provided by Ms. Paint. The twins had been there longer than Jade had, and they were definitely more well-adjusted. "We had a sub in English today. Boring."

"I can imagine," said Jade, cringing. "Where's Caliborn?"

"He's in his room or something," said Calliope. "I don't know. He's being dumb."

"Yeah," said Jade. "Want to illustrate some scientific diagrams or something?"

"Um, _yes?"_

Jade laughed. "I love you, cutie."

Calliope stuck out her tongue. "You better."

They took out some paper and astronomy text books and opened up to a page on coronal mass ejections. "Sweet!" exclaimed Jade. "Look at this, Callie. This happens every eleven years. Is that not _totally _awesome?"

"I guess?" asked Calliope. She frowned. "I feel really gross today."

"You do?" asked Jade. This was weird.

"Yeah."

"Do you want to go to bed?"

"No."

"Okay, then?"

Ms. Paint suddenly emerged from the bathroom. "Hey, kids," she said, her headscarf lightly draped around her eyes. "Is something wrong?"

"Callie says she's sick," said Jade. "Um…"

"Oh," said Ms. Paint, studying them. "_Oh."_

Calliope did look a little pale. "I think I'm going to throw up."

Ms. Paint started fussing over her, took her to the bathroom, and Jade sat down in the kitchen, wondering what the hell was wrong with this world.

* * *

><p>Rose was a little bit disorientated when she got home. The mere idea of this GSA thing was running through her head at a rapid pace, and Jade's hand in hers was…spectacular. <em>Weird<em>, she thought, sitting on the couch. "Mom?"

"Yes?" asked her mother from some distant room. "I'm in a little trouble."

_Odd._

"What do you mean?" asked Rose, standing up and walking towards the master bedroom.

"I'm…stuck."

Rose's mom laughed, and when Rose finally got to her, she saw her attempting to zip up some evening wear. "Can you help me?"

"Mom, that's not going to fit," said Rose, helping her out. "Yeah. I think you miscalculated a little bit."

Roxy cocked her head ever so slightly. "What?"

"Are you sure you're only three months pregnant?" she asked, biting her lower lip as she studied her mother wearing a slip. "I mean, I don't want to be rude or anything, but really—"

"No, it's okay," said Roxy, smoothing her hands over her belly. "I really don't know."

"Mom, have you even seen an OBGYN?"

"What?"

"A…lady doctor?" asked Rose, ever so hesitantly. "Like, I think that might have to be one of your top priorities. _Now."_

Rose started thinking. Wasn't her mom drunk two weeks ago? _Oh shit. _"Mom, have you been drinking?"

"No!" said Roxy, clearly offended. "I've been just acting drunk. To be convincingly not…well…"

"Oh my God," said Rose, sitting on the bed. "Where's Mr. Egbert?"

Roxy shrugged. "Bachelor party."

"Mom, you're legitimately insane."

"Pregnancy brain, sweetie."

"Sure," said Rose, stepping out. "Let's go with that."

She strode up the stairs and stared at her phone. She really hadn't talked to Dave in a long time. Maybe now would be good?

She dialed his number and waited. Surprisingly, he actually picked up.

"Hey," he said, his voice slightly muffled. "Who's this?"

"Um, Rose?" said Rose. "I thought I was in your contacts?"

"Oh," said Dave. "Yeah."

"How are you?" she asked, cleaning the floor impulsively. "Just wondering."

"Cool, I guess," he said, and she could imagine him doing something equally awkward. "You know. Being a cool kid."

"Okay, um, I have something that we need to talk about," she said.

"Yeah?"

"You know Bro?"

"Yeah?"

"He's my dad."

"Okay."

"You're not freaking out?"

"Not really."

"Well, Mom is your mom."

"Okay."

"You're still not freaking out."

"Yep."

"I was expecting more of a reaction from you."

"Um, no?"

Rose sighed the most exasperated of sighs. "What the fuck, Dave?"

"I dunno?" asked Dave. "I mean, it was pretty probable. We look the same, dude."

"Not really."

"No."

"Okay."

"There's something I need to tell you, too."

"Okay."

"You have to promise to be cool."

"Got it."

"Like, you can't freak out."

"…why would I?"

"Only Bro knows about this."

"Okay, then."

Dave (in Rose's imagination) leaned into the phone and whispered "I'm trans, bro."

Rose considered this. "Wait."

"Wait, what?"

"Like, if you're transgender, which way?"

"Female to male."

"Then Mom would have to know this too."

"Why?"

"Because we're twins, you dumb fuck."

Dave paused.

"The fuck?"

"Yeah," said Rose. "I found it on my birth certificate. I was a twin, Bro's my dad…I'm just assuming."

"That's fucked up," said Dave. "But you're cool with me being transgender?"

"Honey, I'm gay," said Rose. "I'm dating Jade Harley. I think. I'm not sure. Maybe?"

"Cool," said Dave. "Is there something else?"

"Oh, yeah," said Rose. "Mom wants you to come to the wedding. John's going to be our official brother."

"Cool," said Dave, chuckling. "So if I fuck him—"

"Yes, Dave. Incest. Also, Mom's pregnant? Or something? I don't know. But it's probably twins, because she's really fucking fat already."

"Ew," said Dave. "I don't want to think about your Mom as my Mom being a fat Mom."

"Yeah, it _is _pretty gross," said Rose. "But the miracle of childbirth, I guess. It's all relative."

"Bye, Rose," said Dave. "I have to go to dinner. Bro is taking me to Coney Island to celebrate being manly and shit."

"Well, congratulations," said Rose. "Bye, Dave."

The phone clicked, and Rose collapsed on her bed in a happy mess.

* * *

><p>The next day at school was weird for everyone.<p>

Gossip queens were ranting about Gamzee Makara's body still, Terezi and Karkat wouldn't leave each other alone, Kanaya Maryam was somewhere in the darkroom taking observations of photographs, Vriska Serket was flirting with everyone, and Jade and Rose were being Jade and Rose.

This all changed at lunch.

"Holy shit, did you hear the news?" asked Porrim Maryam, Kanaya's older sister and assistant librarian. "Some kids got caught in a car frick fracking."

"Oh sweet Jesus," said Kankri Vantas, who was interning. "How triggering."

"And they're both guys."

_"__What?!"_

"Yeah. I dunno if tumblr got to them or what, but Principal Condesce is _pissed._"

It was true. The Condescension —Principal Peixes to her loyal PTA members—was a raging bitch queen when it came to sex policies. After all, she was a bit over the top when it came to raising her own daughters. Apparently the last kids caught having sex on school grounds were expelled or something to that extent. Nobody really knew. But the latest offenders would be incredibly screwed over.

After all, they were Tavros and John.

* * *

><p>"John Egbert?"<p>

John looked up. He wanted to vomit. This—rather, this situation, to be exact—was kind of getting to him. "Yes?"

"She will see you now," said Kankri, playing secretary.

John gulped and walked into the office, where Tavros, Mr. Nitram, and Peixes were waiting.

"Hey," mouthed Tavros, looking terrified. The thing about Tavros, though, was even when he looked terrified he looked cute. John just thought that he looked like a sniveling brat whenever he was scared.

"So," said the Condesce, her long black hair tied back into voluminous ponytail. "Why do you think you two are here today?"

The silence was deafening. John could feel Mr. Nitram's glare run down his back.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the Condesce. "Very, very ashamed."

Tavros was staring at his shoes. John reached out for his hand. That was the wrong thing to do.

"Don't touch him," said Mr. Nitram. "Don't even dare."

John glared at him, and his hand intertwined with Tavros's in defiance, love, and ridicule. "Fuck you," he said.

That was the wrong thing to say.

Luckily for John, his father and stepmother walked in at that exact moment. "Sorry we're late," said Mr. Egbert, grinning slightly. "Traffic."

The mood didn't alleviate. The principal and Mr. Nitram stared at Mr. Egbert and Ms. Lalonde with cold eyes before reverting their gaze to John and Tavros. "Glad you could make it," said the principal quietly. "After all, the boys will be punished severely for their actions."

"I feel like this is a little unjust," said John. "Like, we were _kissing_ in a car and some freshman said we were having sex. Who are you seriously going to believe?"

"The freshman," said the Condesce immediately. "After all, innocence is at stake. Wouldn't you agree, Mrs. Egbert?"

Roxy didn't hesitate. "No."

"What?"

"I think that you're being prejudiced and homophobic," she said primly. "After all, if anyone else had been kissing in _their _car, it wouldn't have been deemed punishable by any means. Now, what could be considered unrighteous are the bruises by Tavros's neck. Do you care to address that, Principal?"

The Condesce glared at her. "Really," she said. "That hadn't been brought to my attention previously. Care to elaborate, Mr. Nitram?"

He cleared his throat. "No comment."

"Are you serious?" asked John, standing up. "Tavros told me that you abuse him all the time. That's not right. _Nothing you do is right_."

Mr. Nitram—aka The Summoner from his wrestling days—also stood up, glaring at John. "You little faggot."

"Stop it," said Roxy. "Seriously."

"He's a fucking faggot, and he deserves every piece of shit he gets thrown at him," said Mr. Nitram. "Little shit killed his mother coming out. He's not worth it."

"I'm calling CPS," said the Condesce, starting to dial. "Mr. Nitram, you are dismissed. Tavros, stay here."

The ex pro wrestler left stormily, and Tavros sobbed, falling into John's arms. "Shhh," said John, rocking him back and forth. "It sucks, I know."

"I'm sick of this," said Tavros, wiping his tears off his face. "Like, I can't even deal with this bullshit anymore."

"I don't know who could," said Roxy, standing over them. "Jonathan, I was thinking, would it be too much to let Tavros stay with us?"

Mr. Egbert sighed. "If they promise not to do anything stupid," he said. "I think there might be some laws prohibiting it, though."

"No, you're actually good," said the Condesce, who was on hold with CPS. "If you're seventeen, you can basically do whatever you want as long as you obey your parent or guardian's wishes, and because Mr. Nitram is being…well….yeah, I guess it's safe to say he can stay with you." She winced. "Just don't do anything stupid."

"Agreed," said Tavros, nodding. "I won't."

"Same," said John. "What he said."

"Now, seriously," said the Condesce, "we still have to address the issue of you in the car."

"We didn't have sex," said John.

"Suspension for three days seems appropriate," said the principal. "After all, I'd love to believe you, but there's a lot of things that I have to consider."

"Okay," said Tavros, smiling at John. "Thanks."

"Go ahead and do some homework or something," said the Condesce, waving her hand submissively. "Do the thing."

* * *

><p><strong>Dave is transgender, transgender is Dave. So, if you haven't figured it out by now, every fucking character will be LGBTQA to some extent. Might as well call this "tumblr! the musical" with all of the politically correct stuff. But yeah! Be the cool kid and review! That will make me, the writer, incredibly happy!<strong>

**BTW I have a con this weekend and probably won't be able to update, you know, Homestuck stuff. :) Hope you mildly enjoyed this to some extent of your being!**


	7. In Which Thanksgiving Is A Thing

**Hey, guys! Introduction of a few new characters and mild dramabombs. Nothing big, though. :) **

* * *

><p>"This is a bit irrelevant, don't you think?" asked Jade, biting her lower lip.<p>

"I mean, it depends on who you're talking to," said Rose. They were in Jade's car, and it was starting to get cold. "I think meeting my mother would be a really cool step in our relationship."

"Same," said Jade. "But at the same time, I feel really conflicted, because, I don't know, it feels wrong? Like, are we jinxing this?"

"No, sweetie," said Rose, kissing her on the cheek. "We're just trying to solidify it. Anyway, they've already met John's boyfriend. I mean, he's living in my house."

Jade breathed. "Okay."

Rose smiled. "We'll be fine."

"I hope so."

They stepped out of the car and walked up the circle drive. Jade tried to calm herself down as they got closer to the goal, the house, the _mansion_ that was looming overhead. Lights illuminated all of the rooms, and Jade couldn't help but think of fairy tales, couldn't help but play make believe that she was a knight and Rose was a princess.

"I'm going to be honest with you, I'm terrified," said Jade, squeezing Rose's hand.

"Why?" asked Rose. "My mom marched in gay pride parades when she was a kid."

"I just feel weird," said Jade. _I haven't had a fucking family dinner since I was eleven. _

"It's going to be great!" said Rose. "Don't worry."

"Okay," said Jade, swallowing. "Whatever you say."

They reached the steps. Jade tried to calm herself. She felt so weird, wearing a fancy dress, her nose piercing amethyst, everything weirdly okay in appearance today. She mainly felt conflicted, however, thinking back to therapy with an old clinician back in middle school.

The door opened, and Rose's mom embraced Rose in a huge hug. "Sweetie! I'm so glad you could make it!" she said, in a voice that had a certain pitch that Jade found ever so inviting. "And you must be the famous Jade Harley."

"Yes, Ms. Lalonde," said Jade, attempting to not curtsy. "You look lovely."

Roxy smiled. "Oh, thank you. I go by Mrs. Egbert, though, or, um, Roxy."

"Cool!" said Rose, obviously trying to hurry the conversation. "Let's go inside, shall we?"

"Totally," agreed Jade, feeling herself ease up tremendously.

They walked in, following Roxy, who chattered about the new house excitedly. "Oak floors! Pre century! So many rooms!"

"I love the setting, though," said Jade, observing the darkness of the windows. "It's like looking into space."

Roxy turned abruptly. "Are you interested in astronomy?"

"Oh my God, yes!" said Jade, barely able to contain herself.

"I'm an astronomer, you know," said Roxy, smiling deviously. We have an observatory, as well. If you'd like to see some examples of elliptical orbit or perhaps the intrigue behind any of Tycho Brahe's early works…"

"I'd love to!" said Jade, not even able to contain the smiles. "Rose, I didn't even know your mom is that cool!"

"I try," smiled Roxy, winking. "We're having gnocci and whatnot tonight. John and Tavros are waiting in the living room, if you're interested."

She smiled and left them. Rose grinned at Jade, kissed her on the nose. "Happy Thanksgiving," she said, not hesitating to show any affection.

"I love you, too," said Jade, ruffling her hair.

Rose batted her eyelashes and led her into another corridor. "Where do you live, anyway?"

_Shit. _"East side."

"With who?"

Double shit. Jade turned Rose to face her. "Um…there's something I haven't been honest about."

Rose's face looked confused. "What?"

"I'm…in foster care."

Rose closed her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"My grandpa died when I was twelve," said Jade quietly. "I just wanted to fit in with you."

"Honey, you don't need biological parents to be family," said Rose, holding her close. "Look, I love you. And I know that might not be enough, but…I don't know. I still think that counts for something."

Jade was quiet. It took a moment for Rose to realize that she was crying.

"I love you," said Rose, squeezing her. "Like, it's not even funny."

"I love you, too," said Jade, cry-laughing. "Okay. Let's see John and Tav."

"Got it," said Rose, smiling. She took her hand and led her into the living room.

Tavros and John were already on the couch, looking over photo albums. John looked up and beamed. "Hey, Rose!" he called, standing up. "It's so good to see you!"

"You see me every other day, dumbass," said Rose, hugging him. "Did Dave call in yet?"

"He'll be here eventually," said Tavros, looking a little bit mischievous. "He has a surprise or something."

"Great," said Rose, rolling her eyes. "That's fabulous."

"Yeah," said Jade, starting to feel disoriented again. "Um, is anyone else coming?"

"Just some of John's relatives and my grandmother," said Rose, smiling openly at Jade. "You know. Gram is…a bit old fashioned. Just as a warning."

"I thought we were going to tell them," whispered Jade.

"We are," whispered Rose back. "Just be cautious around Gram."

Jade nodded, and they waited.

* * *

><p>In the next half hour, several people arrived.<p>

First, Grammy Lalonde arrived, driven by Roxy's aging father. Then Aunt Josie came from wherever it was across town with her two kids, and then Dave came out of nowhere with the most unexpected of visitors.

"Dirk Strider," said Gram, smiling eerily. "You little sneaky boy. I remember when you were just this big."

Dirk smiled grimly and took his place at the table. "Good to see you, Roxy. Jonathan. Rose."

Rose felt her heart skip a beat. Bro had never been around much when they were kids, and now that he was actually there, she didn't know what to say.

They were in the middle of dinner when Roxy abruptly smiled and stood up with Mr. Egbert. "We have an announcement to make," she said. "As you know, we're getting married next month."

"Yes," chorused Gram and Gramps Lalonde.

"And that's super cool, am I right?" said Roxy. Her gaze paused over Rose. "And…we're having a baby."

There was a collective cheer, except for Dirk. In fact, there seemed to be an absence of Dirk. It was times like these when Rose really wished that Gram didn't have hearing aids. She always would talk super loud in order to mask out her deafness. "Poor thing," said Gram in a loud whisper while everyone asked Roxy how far along she was. "He always wanted to be with her."

* * *

><p>Across town, Cal Strider was sitting on her bed, thinking about the futility of life.<p>

She was turning nineteen in three weeks, and was pretty much convinced that her status as chaotic neutral on her D&D team was starting to leak over into real life. After all, she had been kicked out of community college _and _was hanging out with suspicious characters.

The door slammed open, and Bro entered, looking more distressed than usual.

"Hey, asshole," she said cheerfully, body slamming into him. "Where's Dave?"

"Fuck off," he said, heading towards his room.

"Well then," said Cal, rolling her eyes. "You're being a bit of a butt today, aren't you."

"Shut up, Cal," said Dirk, and he took off his glasses, revealing a stream of tears.

"Holy fucking fuck," said Cal. "What happened to you?"

"Rolal's getting married for real," said Dirk, and he slumped on the couch. "I guess I screwed this one up for good."

"Well, yeah," said Cal, trying to not be as assuring as she could be. "But that's cool. There's still better people."

"Whatever," said Dirk. "Shit!"

He sat up. "I forgot Dave."

"Damn it, Bro," said Cal, sticking out her tongue. "You're retarded."

"Yeah, or something," he said.

* * *

><p>Rose, Dave, Jade, Tavros, and John were sitting in Rose's bedroom, eating what was left of the vegetarian stuffing and drinking Faygo. "This is stupid," said John, staring into the middle distance. "I mean, what are we even doing?"<p>

"Stuff?" asked Jade. "I dunno."

"Approximately," said Dave. He looked thoughtful. "Did you know that I'm not totally single?"

Everybody turned and stared at him. "What?"

"Yeah," he said, grinning slightly. "I may or may not have been flirting with several people at the school. They don't really know me, though."

"Yeah," said Rose, sighing. "Should we play Truth or Dare?"

"No thanks," said Tavros. "I have too many fucking secrets."

"Sure you do," said John, ruffling his hair. "Cutie. Okay, so this is so middle school. Rose, do we have any beer?"

Rose stiffened. "Um, no, but we have loads of wine and champagne. I don't think we should drink it though, seeing as my mom _is a recovering alcoholic._"

"C'mon, Rosie," said Dave, mock punching her. "It won't hurt."

Rose inhaled. "I'm sorry, but no. Like, alcoholism runs in the family. I don't want to risk getting wasted for an eternity just because of a stupid mistake."

"Yeah," said Jade. "I agree with Rose."

The tension was a little bit overwhelming. "Truth or Dare, then?" asked Dave after a few moments.

"No, thanks," said John, standing up. "Come on, Tavros. I…we need to get something."

The remaining kids watched them leave with grim expressions. "I'm worried about them," said Rose quietly. "Like, really worried."

"Yeah," said Jade. "I know what you mean."

* * *

><p><strong>Please review! :)<strong>


	8. In Which The 'Feels' Trope Is Used

**Eh. Shit gets real. **

It was the first of December, and the cold had actually started to set in with fierce velocity. Rose and Jade were officially together constantly, and everyone else was dealing with some form of difficulty. The GSA hadn't been enacted yet, and some rigidity has arisen when Aradia had introduced the concept to the vice principal.

"What do you mean, we can't have one?" asked Aradia, palms sweating.

"I mean you can't have a club about sexual orientation at the high school," said Vice Principal English. He rolled his eyes momentarily and chuckled. "What's next, a strip club in the cafeteria?"

"I wasn't _implying _that," said Aradia, growing annoyed. "We need a club for students who are struggling with defying their sexuality and gender identity because according to _very_ current studies, LGBTQA identified students have a more difficult time doing well in school due to bullying and personal issues."

"If they have 'personal issues', they should see a therapist."

"Therapy is expensive, and private practice—which, mind you, is usually the only efficient way of getting gender identity based therapy—is often not covered by Medicaid," said Aradia, trying to stay calm. "Most of the students in the district come from budgeted homes or houses that are below the poverty line. We _need_ this club."

"You haven't provided any examples of homophobia," stated English.

Aradia couldn't help but explode a little. "Mr. English, I am called a faggot every day."

"Appropriate language."

"How can you expect me to be appropriate when you are denying me the right to have something that this school actually needs?" spit Aradia. "I bet there are at least ten people at this school who would stand for this club, and thirty who would come after it was put in place."

"Who would facilitate?" asked bemused English. "We don't have any gay teachers or staff."

"Correction—you don't have any _out _teachers or staff. They're too afraid of your aging patriarchy, Mr. English."Aradia stood up, glaring at him. "I hope you're prepared to battle this in court."

"Sure," said English. "Whatever."

Aradia bit zir lip and stormed out.

* * *

><p>"I think I'm going to pee."<p>

Rose tried not to laugh and squeezed her mom's hand. "Mom, I think that's supposed to happen."

Roxy scowled. "Sure. Ugh. Doctor? Is this necessary?"

"As necessary as can be," said the ultrasound technician, smiling as she turned on the machine. "Are you ready?"

"Completely," said Mom and Dad simultaneously. Rose felt a little pang of the feels at this. It was so weird, seeing people in love, having a kid, being cool.

"Okay," said the tech, showing them the screen. "There's the head, and the heartbeat, and the legs and the arms."

"Cutie," snorted Roxy, half giggling as she held Jonathan's hand. "Can we get a spoiler alert and know if it's a boy or a girl?"

The tech wasn't paying attention, frowning. "Hmm," she said. "Interesting."

"What's interesting?" asked Jonathan quietly.

"Well," said the tech, turning to them, "it seems like there is something behind your baby."

"What do you mean?" asked Rose, starting to legitimately get worried.

"Twins," said the tech, smiling. "Egberts, you have twins."

Roxy did a mini cheer. "Told you I didn't miscalculate, Rosie!"

Rose felt her eyes starting to blur a little. "Woah, what?"

"Yes," said the tech, still smiling. "I can only see the gender of the first one, so would you—"

"If I'm right, John loses ten bucks," said Rose in a whisper to her stepdad.

"But what if they're both different?" asked Mr. Egbert.

"True."

"Shut up, I want to know what I'm having," whispered Roxy.

"Baby A is a boy," said the tech, starting to get exhausted. "Yes. Cool? Okay."

"Sweet," said Roxy, smiling widely. "Next time are we going to figure out baby B's gender?"

"Actually, we have to start planning with your doctor," said the tech. "Most twin births fall into Caesarean section, and because you're older, that could be very likely. Also, it will be an early birth because the twins will be too big for you."

Roxy smirked. Rose couldn't help but stare. "What?"

"They're already growing quite rapidly," said the tech. "I know that you've had twins before, Mrs. Egbert, but you were much younger. The chance of preeclampsia is always there, or something devastating in general."

"You're being a Debby Downer," said Rose, holding her mom's hand. "And you can't be serious about all this stuff."

"I am," said the tech. "Mr. and Mrs. Egbert, I would recommend bed rest, but I'm not the doctor, so…"

"Then get the doctor," said Jonathan. The tech looked a bit surprised, then fled.

The sound of the heartbeat continued pounding in Rose's head. "Mom, why aren't you taking any of this seriously?" she whispered. "You've been smiling like crazy ever since—"

"Twins, Rosie," said Roxy dreamily. "God, this is great."

Rose inhaled and looked to her stepfather. "Um…Dad?"

He looked only mildly surprised. "Yes?"

"Where's John, anyway?"

He sighed. "On some date with that Tavros kid."

"God damn it," said Rose.

* * *

><p>Karkat was half asleep when Terezi shook him awake.<p>

"Kar, p-please," she whispered, and he blinked multiple times. The bed felt wet, sticky, but he couldn't see anything in the darkness. "Something's w-wrong."

He turned on the light, and tried to register the facts that a.) Terezi was shaking vehemently b.) it smelled like iron, rich and sweet, and c.) the bed was soaked with blood.

"Oh God," he said, getting up as quickly as his legs could take him and picking her up. "Come on, Tez."

She moaned and her head lolled back a little. "Come on, we have to get you to the hospital," he whispered, trying not to cry. "Sweetie, please."

Terezi was crying, little panicky sobs that came out in gasps. "I didn't lose it, right?"

"I don't know," lied Karkat, walking her through the snow and into his car. "It's going to be okay."

They drove in the three in the morning stupor, Terezi hiccupping and moaning as Karkat tried to understand everything. All he could think of was _why _and _isn't this weirdly like coronal mass ejections _and _oh my god why am I thinking about science right now my baby is dying inside of my girlfriend she's a womb and a tomb at the _same time.

They got to the hospital and Karkat helped Terezi into the emergency room, held her hand, was affectionate. It felt like a movie where everything was going by super fast and he was just there with her and the kid—he thought it was going to be a girl, they were going to name her Scarlet if she was—and he could hear everything at once as everyone around him stared and Terezi just bled and bled until a doctor came and birthed a small, lifeless little puppet out from between her legs and then, only then, could Karkat cry.

He walked to the lobby, wearing scrubs over his clothes, covered with specks of blood and vomit, remnants of the kid, and dialed the one person he knew would understand.

"Rosa?" he whispered into the phone, feeling his eyes well up before he could do anything. "It's me, Karkat."

"Hey," said his godmother, and he could picture her in the early morning, preparing tattoo designs of octopi and mother and child decal, always being there for everyone. "Sweetie, this isn't your cell. What's wrong?"

"Tez…she miscarried," said Karkat, and he didn't cry as much as cough up a shitload of tears. "We're at North."

"Oh, honey," said Rosa, and he didn't know if it was a good thing to call her or not, knowing her history, knowing what had happened. "Baby…I'll come over. What's her room?"

"413," said Karkat, feeling awful. "I think I'm not going to school."

"Don't," said Rosa. "You need to be there for Terezi. Be there for _you._"

The phone hung up with a click, and Karkat walked back to the room, sat down in the chair next to his girlfriend, and held her hand.

* * *

><p>Dolorosa Tattoo Shoppe was a good place to get an education about practically anything artsy.<p>

Rosa Maryam had opened shop when she was nineteen. She was cool, slick, awesome at what she did, and illustrated everything for everyone. Porrim's tattoos? Her mom. Cronus Ampora's hearts? Rosa. Dirk's smuppets? Rosa.

She did miss out on one thing, though.

Kids were a soft spot for Rosa. She always loved them, always watched over her little brothers and sisters. When her sister got pregnant, she adopted Porrim. When it happened again, she got Kananya. But she never actually had her own little cutie to raise. It was technically impossible—Rosa wasn't into guys that much, or anyone for the most part. She just liked people.

She did get pregnant, three times. Once at seventeen. Abortion. She almost died from the infection afterwards. The second time was with her long time friend, Simon, who wanted a kid too, but not a relationship. That had ended badly. Like, seven months pregnant stillbirth badly. The third time was funny because it wasn't even a thing she was aware of until it was gone. She had gone into the doctor's office and lo and behold, she had become a tomb.

She had once had a friend, though, who she felt like she had really raised. Street kid. Silas. He had nothing. She taught him how to be a better person. He wanted a psychology degree, was about to get it too, when he was mowed over in a riot in New York City. She couldn't believe it when she got the phone call. She couldn't believe it when she was told he had two kids and they were both in her custody. So she raised them to the best of her ability, which was hard, because really? Owning a tattoo shop in a Midwestern town with four kids is hard. The boys grandmother eventually stepped in. she was grateful for that. They still called her often, though, except for Kankri, who was always deciding in between theology and education as his final degree. Porrim was just gender studies and library sciences. Kanaya was mysterious and artistic, and Karkat…

Well, he had gotten a girl pregnant.

Rosa drove to the hospital and prepared herself emotionally for what she was going to say to them. _I love you both. You're still good people. It wasn't _not _meant to be as much as scientific stuff was going on_. Everything seemed terrible as a statement.

Karkat was sleeping with his hands intertwined with Terezi's. Rosa couldn't help but think of Freda Kahlo, her miscarriages, the tragedy, the _art_.

"Hey, guys," she whispered, and they sprung awake.

"Hey, Rosa," said Karkat with a sad smile. "Um."

"Terezi," said Rosa, sitting next to her. "How are you feeling?"

"Stupid," said Terezi, lower lip trembling.

"It's not your fault," said Rosa. "Nearly everyone goes through some kind of damaging experience in their life time."

"That doesn't really help."

Rosa sighed and contemplated throwing herself off of a cliff. "Do you need anything? Sushi, perhaps?"

"I'm not really hungry right now," said Terezi, looking at her feet as they poked out of the end of the bed. "Honestly, I've been puking for hours."

Karkat looked at Rosa, pleading eyes, wanting something. _Say something_, his eyes seemed to say. Rosa shook her head and looked back to Terezi.

"You know that this is going to suck for a while, right?" she said gently. Terezi nodded. "How far along were you?"

"Four months," said Terezi, starting to cry. "I could feel it moving."

"Sweetie, I know this won't help at all," said Rosa, "but look at Karkat. I think he's feeling, too."

Terezi glanced over at her boyfriend. "I…"

"He misses the baby, too, Terezi," said Rosa with the slightest amount of encouragement. "Everybody does. But you need to be strong."

Terezi sniffled. "Okay."

"Promise?"

"Sure?"

"Okay."

Rosa smiled and hugged them both. "I'm going to go get some coffee. It's six in the morning, after all."

* * *

><p><strong>If that was too feel-y, I'm sorry. At least it's not cannon. ('-') <strong>

**Anyway, love y'all who review. **


	9. In Which Nepeta Is A Fangirl

**Hello everyone! **

**I would just like to say thank you to StroodleDork for reviewing! Thank you thank you thank you! **

**Also, this chapter may be _a little shorter than usual_. That is because I've been crunched for time. I'm sorry...however, there will be tons of motherfucking character development in the future! Yay!**

* * *

><p>Jade was attempting to do her homework when Rose opened the door of the Earth &amp; Space classroom, giddy as fuck. "Guess who just got accepted to State?" she sang, twirling as she walked in.<p>

"Oh my God, you didn't!" squealed Jade, hugging her.

"Did," said Rose, kissing her on the cheek. "We can go to college together now, buttmunch!"

"Buttmunch?" asked Jade, pulling back slightly. "What does that even mean?"

"It's a loving insult," said Rose, kissing her again. "We're going to State, buttmunch, and we can be dorm buddies who frick frack."

"Oh my God, you," laughed Jade. "You're getting the attention of the innocents."

"Don't care," said Rose, squeezing her tightly. "You're the bae."

Jade kissed her back. It didn't even matter that they went to a dickish school anymore. At least they had each other.

* * *

><p>"Kar?"<p>

Karkat looked up from the textbook. Terezi was lying in the hospital bed, doing some government work. "What's up?"

"Not much," she said, smiling weakly. "I was thinking about what Rosa said, though."

"Yeah?"

"I feel like an asshole."

"Don't say that," said Karkat, reaching over for her hand.

"No, really," said Terezi. "Scarlet is dead. What's the point?"

He hoped she wasn't referring to what he thought she was. "Um…"

"Exactly," said Terezi. "I feel so stupid right now. Useless. I don't know. My mom didn't even know, and when she gets the medical bill, she'll freak out."

"I'm sorry," said Karkat.

"It's okay," said Terezi. "I think this might have been meant to happen."

Karkat was taken aback. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," said Terezi. "After all, we're not exactly the most compliant people for parenting, right?"

The look in her eyes told him differently.

* * *

><p>"God," muttered Jade, lacing her boots to the max as she prepared to brave the snow. "Are you sure you want to do this?"<p>

"Duh," said Rose. "We're in the middle of nowhere. We have to."

"It's stupid."

"You didn't grow up with snow, sweetie. You have to build a snowfort."

Jade shivered. "It's kind of creepy, though. You know, the location, seeing as this is where Gamzee—"

"Just don't think about it," said Rose, and she buried her face into her scarf.

* * *

><p>"Six months," said Roxy dreamily, stirring her tea and following Jonathan with her eyes. "Almost there."<p>

At this point, she was officially on bed rest and lived in his shirts and alternated out of different pairs of maternity leggings. Mr. Egbert smiled and handed her a plate stacked high with waffles. "Dork," he said, thumbing through one of the many astronomy textbooks sitting around her domain. "How can you even read this stuff?"

"How can you not?"

They kissed ever so briefly, and Roxy laughed mid French. "What?"

"Babies are kicking like crazy. They freak out when you're around."

He placed his hands on her stomach. "I think we should pick out names."

"I like Jason, for Baby A," said Roxy. "Jace for short. You know. He'll be adorable and hopefully will like science."

"Okay?" asked Jonathan, eyebrows raised. "Then if Baby B is a boy, I think we should go with—"

"No, Baby B is a girl," said Roxy deviously. "I can tell."

"Then I get to name her," said Jonathan. "I like…Ruby."

"Ruby?" asked Roxy, smiling slightly. "That's actually really cute."

"And she'll like baking _and_ science, because she'll be that cool," said Jonathan, nearly attacking her with kisses. "And Rose and John will be the best big brother and sister ever, because they're that awesome."

"Don't forget Dave," laughed Roxy, overcome with tickles. "Oh my God, I'm going to pee if you don't stop."

"What's with pregnant women and pee?" asked Jonathan, cocking his head. "Is that just part of the estrogen or something?"

"Yes," said Roxy in all seriousness. "It is most definitely the estrogen."

"Lordy."

"Lordy Jesus."

"You're such a kid," said Mr. Egbert, lying down next to her. " So, March?"

"I already feel like I'm going to explode," said Roxy quietly, kissing him again. "It would be amusing, but really, it's not."

"Feel you there," said John's dad. "I don't want you to explode."

"Not even a little bit?"

"Never."

"You're cool."

"You're cool, too."

"I love you," said Mom, kissing him.

"I love you, too."

* * *

><p>"I feel so fucked up right now," said Meulin.<p>

She was sprawled out on the couch in the Makara basement, her eyes slightly dilated, long curly hair tied back into a ponytail. Kurloz was sitting next to her, playing with her nipple. In general, the house was trashed, Insane Clown Posse was blaring from the speakers, and there was too much weed concentrated in one area at one time.

"Like, do you think that catnip works on humans?" asked Meulin, looking up at Kurloz. He shrugged. "I mean, seriously. If it works on cats, it should work on humans, right?"

Nepeta came downstairs. She was fourteen now, very small, very scared. "Meulin, I'm going to go back home," she said in a whisper, looking at the carpet. She didn't want to look at the thing that was so close to Gamzee.

"No, little bitch," said Meulin, her smile oddly feline. "You've got to stay here. I'm the babysitter."

"Yeah, at our house," reminded Nepeta, pulling her hat down closer against her head. "I'm going home. Bye."

"Fuck off, bitch," said Meulin. "I hope you have fun with your stupid therapist."

Nepeta ran upstairs and tried to not cry. She was fourteen, she liked Frozen, and she didn't really want to be anywhere but with her mom, who was busy in New York City selling make up to rich socialites. She wanted to go back and kick Gamzee and tell him that sure, she wanted to kiss him, but not get raped by him, and then beg him to not kill himself. "Stupid asshole," she muttered, storming out of the house. "I wish I could kill you."

"Hey, cunt!" screamed some random guy from the side of the road. "I like your tits!"

"Suck my dick!" shouted Nepeta. It felt good to say something, even if it didn't make any sense at all. Her house was only a few strides away. She could visualize the ramen noodles waiting for her and her beanbag-bed and her big stuffed animal Simba from the Lion King waiting in the dark, ready for some kind of delight.

She entered, locked the door, and started boiling some water. "Fuck!" she said, wincing as the flame burned her fingers. She didn't like swearing as much in real life as doing it in fanfiction. That was actually okay.

Her laptop was waiting. "Hi, dude," she said, opening it, making sure it was plugged in. "Okay…Elsa, meet my new OC!"

* * *

><p><strong>Does anyone want to see some side shipping? JohnTav is out of the game for now. Please tell me if there's anything you'd like to see (hint: please say Karezi. I love writing that ship) <strong>


	10. In Which Shia LeBeouf is Shia LeBeouf

**A short chapter, because the next chapter is AN EMOTIONAL FUCKING MESS. **

* * *

><p>"<em>NICE LEGS, DAISY DUKES, MAKES A MAN GO<em>—"

"Why are we listening to this?" asked Jade, rolling her eyes. "It's so…I don't know…"

"Completely awesome?" asked Rose over the blare of the music. They were in her car and driving steadily towards her house in the woods. "This mixtape is sweet, Jade. You can't really deny that."

"—_JUST SET THEM UP, JUST SET THEM UP_—"

_"_Not really, Rose," said Jade. "It's a little sexist."

"Eh," said Rose, switching the song.

"_You're walking in the woods. There's no one around and your phone is dead. Out of the corner of your eye you spot him_—Shia LeBeouf."

Jade stared at the radio in pure fear. "What…the fuck."

"Don't tell me you don't like this," said Rose, near the point of rapture.

"I mean, I like it, but it's a little bit disturbing."

"Shia LeBeouf."

"Shia LeBeouf?

"Shia LeBeouf."

* * *

><p><strong>Also, the Shia LeBeouf (actual cannibal) video is an amazing, real work of art. Just...yes.<strong>


	11. In Which A Beloved Character Dies

**You're all going to hate me for this. **

* * *

><p>The psychiatrist sighed, went through his papers hesitantly. "Equius," he said. "How do you feel today?"<p>

"Fine, I guess," said Equius. He was tall and thin, with long black hair tied back into a ponytail. "Why am I here?"

"Well, we need to talk about something," said the doctor. "It's very important."

"Am I crazy?"

"No," said the doctor. "There's just something that you need to know."

Equius inhaled. He was starting to feel anxious. When he felt anxious, he usually got out his anxiety on the football field or by making robots. Right now he didn't have anything to do, so he started playing with the Newton's cradle on the desk.

"Equius," said the psychiatrist softly. "Haven't you always had trouble reading other people?"

"People aren't books," said Equius immediately. "You can't read them."

"Sorry," said the psychiatrist. "I know you don't like euphemisms. What I meant was that I know that you're not very good at understanding people."

That hurt. "Well, yeah," said Equius. "I mean, big deal."

"Equius. Look at me."

"I am looking at you."

"Look me in the eye."

Equius inhaled and caught the psychiatrist's gaze for approximately thirteen seconds. "Sorry," he said, not feeling well. "I feel like an alien."

"Well, you aren't," said the doctor. "Congratulations, Equius. You have Asperger's Syndrome."

Equius closed his eyes. "You're not serious."

"I am."

Equius glared at him. "I'm not a freak."

"I never said you were."

"But I don't want to have Asperger's Syndrome."

"That's okay," said psych. "You're the same person as you were before the diagnosis."

"You're not helping," said Equius, feeling the blood rush to his head. "Like, please just leave me alone."

* * *

><p>Feferi was waiting for her boyfriend outside of the office in her car. "Hey, sweetie," she said, kissing him on the cheek. "How was it?"<p>

"Okay, I guess," lied Equius. _Apparently I'm autistic. Ha. No worries here. _"No big deal, though."

"Are you sure?" asked Feferi, concerned. "You look a little pale."

"No really, I'm okay," said Equius, reimagining a plot for a robot in his head. "Do you want to talk about the Doppler Effect or something?"

"Not really," said Feferi, looking a little bit uncomfortable. "Terezi's going through some stuff, and I was wondering if we could visit her and Karkat."

"Um, sure," said Equius, trying to place Terezi and Karkat's faces in his head. "Terezi is blind, right?"

Feferi laughed. "Well, almost. And Karkat is almost as tall as you. But they just went through some really bad stuff—"

"Such as?"

Feferi's face fell. "Miscarriage," she whispered.

"Oh," said Equius, not knowing how to feel. On one hand, it was sad, because babies dying always sucked, but on the other hand, they really should've been more careful. "I…I didn't even know."

"Yeah," said Feferi. "It just makes me so…I don't know, scared? They're only teenagers, but they're already talking about marriage." Her hand slipped into his. "I _want _that one day."

"Cool," said Equius. "Um, yeah. Marriage is awesome. You know. Weddings."

"Maybe we could after college?"

Feferi looked so beautiful right then, her long honey blond hair twisting and curling all around in a braid, and Equius just wanted to kiss her. "Yes," he agreed. "In the most awesome wedding ever. But I'll buy a ring first, so we'll be officially engaged and stuff."

"Thanks, babe," said Feferi, kissing him on the cheek. "I love you."

"You, too," said Equius. He smiled, and he actually meant it.

* * *

><p>Karkat and Terezi were officially looking for an apartment.<p>

"We're going to live together, and it will be good," said Terezi, checking her email. "Karkat, are you prepared for awesomeness?"

"What happened?" he asked, taking a sack of Totinos Pizza Rolls out of the freezer.

"I set up a meeting for us with a landlord by North," said Terezi, eating toast. "He's okay with everyone. Also, it's a flat…"

"Oh, sweet!" said Karkat, kissing her. "That sounds great!"

"Yeah, we just have to "look presentable" and whatever," said Terezi. "You know. Basic stuff."

They grinned at each other.

"Also," continued Terezi, "I did some research on _your _email, and guess who got into State?"

Karkat dropped the plate. "No. Fucking. Way."

Terezi nodded and wrapped her arms around him. "Congrats, broski!"

"Ahhhh," said Karkat. "This is amazing!"

"I'm so proud of you!" cheered Terezi. "We'll have to have a party with Rosa. I'll setup reservations with my mom, too."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" asked Karkat. "Because your mom kind of hates me."

"Whatever," said Terezi. "She just hates the _idea_ of you."

* * *

><p>Kanaya Maryam was bored as fuck.<p>

"And that's how you create a template," said Rosa patiently. "Okay? Okay."

"Mom, I don't care," said Kanaya. She had recently colored her hair electric green, and was nearly dying to be noticed by everything and everyone. "I don't _want _to make art."

Rosa sighed. "Kanaya, you're very artistic. This might be your key into college."

"I don't care about college!" said Kanaya, ending on a whine. "I just feel like shit!"

"Come here," said Rosa, cuddling with her. "It's okay."

"No, it isn't," said Kanaya, not wanting anything. "I feel terrible."

"Why?"

"I'm _gay_."

This was new. "Okay," said Rosa, holding her. "I'm okay with that."

"Really?" asked Kanaya, sniffling.

"Totally," said Rosa. "You're my daughter. I'd love you even if you were a deranged sociopath. Well, maybe not. But I respect you for who you are."

"Thanks for not saying "decision"," said Kanaya, looking up. "I really appreciate that."

"It's all good," said Rosa. "You're my kid. I love you."

"Love you too, Mom."

Rose kissed her hair, and they sat like that for awhile.

* * *

><p>"Shit," said Rose, staring at the note on the kitchen table.<p>

"What is it?" asked Jade, kissing her neck.

"Mom's in the hospital. Her water broke," said Rose, wrapping her scarf around her neck. "I have to go."

"Oh, God," said Jade, following her to the car. "It's a little early, isn't it?"

"She's only seven months," said Rose, legitimately starting to panic. "Can you drive? I'm going to call John and…well…Dad."

Her hands were shaking as she dialed John's number. He didn't pick up the first time, the second, but finally did the third. "What is it?" he asked a bit harshly.

"Mom's in labor," said Rose, equally annoyed. "Where are you?"

"I'm downtown," he said. "With Tavros. Are they at North?"

"I think so?" asked Rose, feeling an urge to cry. "Just get there. I'm with Jade. Bye."

Jade nodded in acknowledgement. They were getting closer to town, now. Rose felt her stomach do a backflip. "Um, Dad? It's Rose. Sorry I didn't come home earlier. I'm coming to the hospital right now. I love you, bye." She turned to Jade. "He didn't pick up. I'm going to call Dave."

"Okay," said Jade. She looked a little panicky herself. "It's going to be fine, Rose."

"Yeah," said Rose. "Dave?"

"Hey," said Dave. "'Sup?"

"Mom's in labor."

"Cool."

"No, not cool. It's way too early."

"Oh."

"Can you make it to the hospital?"

"Sure."

"I'm freaking out."

"Shhh," said Dave. "Here, I'm putting Dad on."

There was a shuffling noise, and suddenly, Rose was talking to her actual Dad.

"Hey," said Dirk. "Rose. Sorry for not being a part of your childhood and stuff."

"Now's not a good time…Dad," said Rose. "My mom's in labor at the hospital and I'm freaking out. What should I do?"

"I'll be there with Dave," said Dirk, and he abruptly hung up.

"What happened?" asked Jade.

"Apparently my dad is coming to the hospital to see my mom's new children be born?" asked Rose. "I feel really fucked up."

"Well, prepare yourself," said Jade, "because we're almost there."

They pulled into the parking structure and basically ran into the building. "Um, Roxy Egbert?" asked Rose, out of breath, at the help desk. "Maternity ward or something?"

"Fifth floor," said the nurse, smiling. "Good luck!"

Rose and Jade ran to the elevator. Rose couldn't help but shake. "I'm fucking terrified," she whispered.

"This is a good thing," said Jade. "We'll be okay."

The door opened, and they were immediately met with the flustered faces of several nurses. "Egbert?" asked one, looking at Rose. "The room with the pumpkin doorknob. We switched from numbers to be 'less ominous'."

"That doesn't help me at all," said Rose, rushing to the room.

* * *

><p>Her mother was lying on the bed, looking slightly non-existent. "Mom?" asked Rose, her voice shaking. "Are you—"<p>

"I'm okay, really," said Roxy, looking increasingly uncomfortable. "Rosie, c'mere. I want to see you."

Jade looked very, very out of place as Rose tearfully approached her mom. "How are you feeling?" asked Rose.

"Painful," said Roxy. She winced. "It's preeclampsia or something, I don't know."

Jonathan nodded. "Sweetie, you should rest."

"What's…what's going to happen next?"

"Caesarean?" asked Roxy, moaning. "I think I'm going to throw up."

A nurse got her a bucket. Rose tried not to look, but saw red in the vomit. "Mom, something's really wrong," she said. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Honey," said Roxy, stroking her hair. "The babies are going to be fine."

"I'm talking about you," said Rose, trying to hold back tears. "I don't want you to—"

Jade took her hand. "Come on, Rose," she said quietly, holding her. "They're going into surgery soon."

Rose felt a ball of dread clench itself inside of her stomach. "I…"

Suddenly, John, Dave, and Dirk came in. "Roxy," said Dirk, staring at her. "Oh, my God."

"Hey, Mom," said Dave, handing her some flowers. "We got these at the drugstore. Are you okay with roses?"

John didn't say a word.

A nurse checked in between Roxy's legs. "Technically, you're getting closer to being able to push," she said. "Eight centimeters. Are you feeling the contractions?"

"Yes," said Roxy through gritted teeth. "Can you please get everyone out? I want to do this with my husband. Alone."

Rose didn't know what hurt more—the look in her mother's eyes, or the fact that she was being rejected.

* * *

><p>They waited for hours.<p>

Jade held Rose's hand, bought her coffee from the cafeteria, and stroked her hair. Dave talked with Dirk enthusiastically about training baby A and B into becoming ninjas. John stared out of the window.

Finally, a nurse emerged around nine o'clock at night, scrubs a little bloody. "Egbert boy and girl," she said wearily, and went back into the room, only to come out seconds later. "Dave, Rose and John? You are needed immediately."

Rose practically ran into the room. "Mom? Are you okay?"

Her mom was a bloody mess on the table. Rose stared in horror as the doctors quickly covered her up. A psychiatrist—why could she always tell who was a psychiatric professional?—quickly came to her attention. "Rose," he said, looking at her with sad eyes. "Your mother only has a few moments left with us. There were complications with the birth. You have to stay strong."

Rose felt frozen as she approached her mother. The babies were crying, and her mom was smiling sleepily, blood leaking out of the corner of her mouth. "Hey, sweetie," said Roxy. "I'm so sorry."

Rose started crying. "Mom, I love you."

"I love you too," said Roxy. She looked pensive, wise as she bled out. "It's going to be okay."

Rose sobbed, and the doctor checked for a pulse. "Pronounced dead at 9:07 pm," he said quietly, and the mourning outweighed the dead.

* * *

><p><strong>It's official-Rolal, our Lord and Savior, has kicked the bucket. <strong>

**Please send me lots of reviews declaring your hatred for me.  
>Please. <strong>


	12. In Which There Are More Feels

"Shhhh," said Jonathan, rocking Jace back and forth. "It's okay. It's okay, sweetie."

The baby wailed, and his twin, Ruby, started crying as well. Rose stared at crib, feeling pure void.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine," sang Dad Egbert, picking up Ruby as well. They were so tiny that they could rest easily in his arms. "You make me happy, when skies are gray."

The babies stopped crying.

"You'll never know dear, how much I'll love you…"

Ruby reached up to touch his nose.

"…so please, don't take my sunshine away."

Rose couldn't take it anymore. She left as quietly as possible and went to the kitchen, falling against the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

* * *

><p>Jade waited in the car outside of the house while Rose slowly trudged through the snow, her dandelion fuzz hair hidden under a hat. She had been almost…well…dead. There wasn't really a good adjective for the way she had been acting.<p>

"Hey," said Jade, smiling weakly. "What's up?"

"I don't want to talk about it," mumbled Rose, pulling her seat belt on. Jade sighed.

It was not going to be a delightful ride to school.

* * *

><p>"I think you're regressing," said the psychiatrist.<p>

Rose stared at the window. It was glass and foggy and she wanted to smash it.

"Rose," said the psychiatrist, "you're going back into your depressive disorder."

"Okay," said Rose.

"Your mother's death was triggering."

"Why do psychiatrists always say the obvious?" asked Rose. "What's next? Are you going to say something completely fraudulent, like I have an Oedipus complex? Because I really don't want to be here."

"Rose," said the doctor. "You really need some help, and I'm afraid our clinic can't offer that to you."

Rose was silent.

"Under advisement from your relations, I am sending you to be evaluated."

Rose stared at the window.

* * *

><p>"I'm really worried about her," said Jade quietly.<p>

Mr. Hussie's office was clean, white walls, computer more of a fixture than an accessory. They were drinking hot chocolate, at his request, and Jade didn't know whether or not to burst into tears.

"She's…everything to me," she said. "I love her. Like, I really love her. If I had to spend my life with anyone, it would be her."

Hussie nodded.

"And I'm really scared."

"I understand," said Hussie quietly. "And as your creative writing teacher, I have to ask, legally, if people know that Rose is depressed."

"Yes," said Jade.

"Okay," said Hussie. "Then we can continue."

He sipped his hot chocolate. "You have to be the best girlfriend ever."

"Ever?"

"Ever."

"I'm terrified."

"Yeah," said Hussie. "That's just part of growing up."

"Are you sure?"

Hussie smiled. "Yes."

"Okay," said Jade, come over with a new sense of direction. "I'm going to her house."

"Bring her chocolate or something," said Hussie, high fiving her. "Girls like that, right?"

* * *

><p>Karkat and Terezi hugged. "We did it," she whispered, licking his ear.<p>

"We did," he said, and they fell on to the bed in their brand new apartment.

* * *

><p>When Jade got to Rose's house, she noticed the note on the table and ran upstairs.<p>

_Dear everyone—_

She tripped on the stairs, heard babies crying, couldn't deal with it.

_I'm so sorry for the last few months. I just feel like an idiot for existing. _

There was the creaking of bedsprings, and she knew it was John and Tavros.

_I miss Mom, and I'm not good enough for Jade. _

Jade opened the bedroom door. Ran to the bed.

_Love, Rose. _

"No, no, no," she said, struggling with the razors, gathering the pill bottles, and lifting her girlfriend. "No, Rosie, please."

Rose moaned, barely conscious, and Jade ran down the stairs, a broken body in her arms.

* * *

><p><strong>...cliffhanger! <strong>


	13. In Which Rose is Alive

**Holy butts. (kills off one character, everybody is calling me 'worse than Hussie'.)**

**Life goals, though.**

* * *

><p>Thud. Thud. Thud.<p>

_Rose, are you there? It's your future speaking. _

"…vitals, someone hand me a syringe…"

_Did you know that you have a really cool career path? You write books, Rose. And you live in a house with your wife…_

"Rose, come on, wake up…"

_…__some kids? Yeah. You have them. And you're happy, Rose. It's not _worth _dying right now. _

"She's becoming stable."

_Okay? Good. I'm glad we could talk, Rose. By the way, you have cats. Cats are cool. _

Rose coughed, opened her eyes, and realized that she was inside of a hospital room.

"Oh, my God, you're awake," said Jade, glomping her, then reproaching a little, looking at her. "Sweetie, why? I was so worried."

"What…what happened?"

"You tried to kill yourself," said Jade. "You took roughly three hundred pills and slit your wrists, ribcage, and thighs. The fact that you're alive…I'm so glad you're alive, Rose."

Rose blinked, touched her face. "I…I'm so confused."

"Well, I found you in your room, and you were a zombie, so I carried you to the car and brought you the hospital, and now we're here," said Jade, handing her some water. "You're not allowed to eat any solid food yet, anyway, and that lady in the corner is Martha. She's your sitter."

Martha waved.

Jade stroked her hair. "Your dad is coming over later. I took off school for the next three days. I think we're good."

"I'm still in shock," said Rose. "Like, I seriously don't remember trying to kill myself at all."

"You took a lot of weird shit, so that's bound to happen," said Jade. "The doctor said that was very likely."

"I think I'm going to throw up," said Rose, and Jade handed her a bucket. She felt disgusting, horrified. "Oh Gog."

"You were out for two days," said Jade quietly. "Not a coma or anything, but…I was worried."

Rose started crying. "I'm so sorry."

Jade held her hand. "I just…I wish it didn't have to be like this."

* * *

><p>Nepeta stared at her reflection in the mirror.<p>

She had been staring in the mirror a lot lately. Her mother was white, with straight red hair, and her sister had long curly brown hair tied back into a bun, but she was…well…Asian. Undeniably and obviously Asian.

"What the fuck?" she whispered, biting her lower lip as she placed her cat hat on her head.

"Nepeta, is something wrong?" called her mother from somewhere in the duplex.

"Yeah, actually," said Nepeta, frowning as she walked into the kitchen. "Am I adopted?"

"No," said her mother, who was cleaning furiously. "I can't really afford that, sweetness."

"Okay, then why don't I look like you?" asked Nepeta, perching on the kitchen counter. "Or Meulin. Or anybody."

Mary Leijon sighed. "Nepeta, get off the counter."

"You still didn't answer my question," said Nepeta, hugging her mom. "Am I adopted, or not?"

"No, you're not adopted," said Mary. "Do you want to go to the living room? I think that's a more…homey environment."

They walked to the couch, and Nepeta nuzzled against one of the cats. "Okay. Shoot."

"Your dad was a business man from South Korea," said Mary. "He was a total douche bag, but he looked nice, so I had sex with him."

"Mom, TMI," said Nepeta, backing away. "Wait, is he rich?"

"I don't know," said Mary, shrugging. "After Meulin's dad died, I just couldn't really deal with anything."

"So Meulin's my half sister?" Nepeta felt a little too excited.

""I guess?" asked Mary. "Why does that really matter?"

"Because I'm kind of freaked out, now," said Nepeta. "I have a _dad_, in South Korea. Isn't that _cool_?"

"Well, he might not be alive," said Mary. "He did a lot of cocaine."

"Oh," said Nepeta, disheartened. "Does he even know I exist?"

"No," said Mary. "But you can probably Google him or something? I dunno?"

"Mom, you're really unhelpful," said Nepeta, standing up. "Okay, I love you. I need to write some fanfiction."

"Have fun with that," said Mary. "I bought you some of that Pocky stuff, anyway. Nerd food?"

* * *

><p>Sollux Captor was deep at work on his senior project when Mituna bounced in.<p>

"What do you want, Tuna?" he asked, half sighing.

"Just some brotherly thupport," said Mituna, smiling underneath his shaggy hair. "Gueth who'th propothing to Latula?"

"Fuck you, bro," said Sollux, throwing a pillow at him. "You're kidding me."

"Not at all, little dude," said Mituna. "We're going to have a radical wedding."

"I can believe it," said Sollux. "But you're only, like, twenty."

"Twenty two!" exclaimed Mituna, tackling him. "And two monthth! And a _half!"_

"Spathtic," lisped Sollux, shoving him off.

* * *

><p>Rose sat upright in the hospital bed. She hadn't been feeling any better, but she hadn't been feeling worse.<p>

Jade was working on homework (Earth & Space, respectively) when the psychiatrist walked in. "Hey," he said. "I'm Silas Captor, your psychiatrist for this ward. And you are Rose Lalonde."

"Yeah," said Rose, fumbling with her hands. Silas motioned for Jade to leave, and Rose tried to not cry.

"What's up, kiddo?"

"I tried to kill myself?"

"Well, yeah," said Silas. "I just was wondering if you could possibly clue me in as to why you would do that."

Rose frowned and tried to get underneath her sheets. "Are you Sollux's dad?"

"Yes!" said Silas, smiling. "He and Mituna are pretty cool boys. We have a kind of partnership in parenting."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, I help them out and we set boundaries with each other," said Silas, his smile fading as he took in her expression. "Do you mind me asking if your mother helped you like that?"

"Not really," said Rose. "I don't know. It was complicated."

"Yeah," said Silas, writing something down on his notepad. "Do you still think about her?"

"Every day," said Rose, closing her eyes. She could feel the tears coming on. "Like…I don't know. She was always there for me when I really needed her, and I just don't understand why I'm supposed to go on if she's not there to help me."

"What kind of things did she help you with?"

"Homework," said Rose. "Picking out dresses. Girly stuff. We didn't talk a lot in…the last few months. I really regret that."

"I see that Miss Harley has been here nearly every day with you," said Silas. "Is she a good friend?"

Rose hesitated. He was a psychiatrist, after all. "She's my girlfriend," she said. "We've been dating since Halloween."

"Congratulations," said Silas, and she could see that he truly meant it. "Are you out at school and home?"

"No," said Rose, fidgeting. "I was going to tell my mom after she had the babies, but…I don't know. I brought Jade over a lot. They seemed to really hit it off."

Silas sighed, pushed his glasses up his nose. "That must be really difficult."

"Yeah," said Rose, reaching for some tissues. "I just feel like…I don't know? I wish I told her more. I wish she told me more."

"What didn't she tell you?" asked Silas softly.

"About my Dad," said Rose. "Like, she never told me that he existed. I figured that out all on my own. And my brother, Dave. It's crazy. And when I was little, I think she had a miscarriage."

"Yes?"

"I was six," said Rose, feeling her chest start to close up. "She was dating some guy, Jake or something? And there were always people at the house. I was really little. One day, she was in the bathtub, just bleeding everywhere, and I had to call 9-1-1. She had a really bad drinking problem, too."

"That must have been really scary," said Silas, holding her hand.

"It was," said Rose. "There's worse stuff, though. Like—"

She broke off, coughing, not really sure how to say anything.

"Like what?" asked Silas.

Rose looked down, felt her scars. "I…I don't really want to talk about it."

"You don't have to," said Silas, "but it would be helpful in the long run."

She inhaled. "Okay. Um. When I was ten, I went to this summer camp. It was really fun, for the most part, because we had a lot of horses and stuff. But…there was this counselor. His name was Kurloz Makara. And. Um."

Silas nodded.

"He…" said Rose, tears streaming down her face. "I…I don't know."

"You can say it," said Silas quietly.

"He _raped _me," said Rose, burying her face into the hospital sheets. "He took me in a kayak and we went into the river and he said I was cute and he took me into the woods and he took off all my clothes and he _raped _me."

"I'm so sorry," said Silas, and she shook violently, sobs racking her thin body. "You didn't deserve to go through that."

"I feel so _dirty,_" she said, unable to stop. "He…he still lives here. His brother…he killed himself last year. On Halloween. And he raped Nepeta Leijon. And I don't know what to do."

"I think there's a lot of things that we need to figure out," said Silas. "But Rose, you're a _good person. _Don't forget that."

Rose sniffed. "I'll try."

* * *

><p><strong>So, yeah, emotions. Rose is alive, all hail Rose,<em> Heil Rose.<em> (too soon?)**

_**comment responses:**_

**ObsessiveFanFictioner15 -well, Kankri is going to be in the later chapters, for sure. He has a vital role. :)**

**Reqpqarx - Although I _may_ be worse than Hussie, I can't ever express my love of El Husso. Yes. I just called him that. **

**Mermaidhorse - I'm sorry for hurting your feels. As long as I haven't severely wounded you, I think we're good.**

**lil bae (Guest) - You knew this was going to happen, Juliet. And, well, more. **

**...As for everything, I probably won't be updating (every single day) because I am actually working on my senior project, which involves work with some very awesome people. (does CAH staff and possibly Hussie sound appealing?) I love all of you little fans/reading/fan works. Good job, you! **


	14. In Which the Author Fucks You All Over

**well oh shit you're all going to hate me even more **

**YAY FOR FEELS **

* * *

><p>It was a dark and stormy night.<p>

Jade was driving home from the hospital, biting her lower lip as she pressed on the gas pedal. "Tight jeans, double Ds, make a man go," she whispered as she turned a sharp corner. "God damn it!"

A dog had ran across the road, and she swerved. "Fuck!" she screamed as she slammed against the breaks. "Fuck-fuck-fuck—"

The steering wheel hit her collarbone, and she gasped as the car flipped on its side. There was a screech of metal bending, trying to turn and twist, and she collapsed, her throat a torrent of red.

* * *

><p>Rose was barely awake when Silas came in. "Rose?"<p>

"Hey, Dr. Captor," she said sleepily. "What's up?"

Silas looked pained as he sat down on the foot of her bed. "I'm afraid something terrible has happened."

Rose was instantly alert. "What?"

Silas inhaled, attempted to articulate a sentence that wouldn't totally crush her emotions. He failed. "Jade is dead," he said, and Rose stared at him.

"What?" Her eyes didn't capture any precise emotion.

"She got into a car crash," he said, feeling odd, dead, cold. "It wasn't painful. She probably had five seconds of real pain, and then she was gone."

Rose blinked, laughed abruptly. "I…you can't be serious."

"I am," said Silas. "Rose, I am so sorry."

"No, you're not," said Rose, starting to shake. "Jade is _dead_."

She stood up, rail thin, and stared up at the ceiling, half laughing, half sobbing. "I…I never…even…"

"Rose," said Silas softly, standing also. "Please try to understand."

"No!" shouted Rose. "She's dead, and I never even—"

She fell to the floor, started crying even more. "Just _fuck you_," said Rose, sobbing. "Fuck all of you."

* * *

><p><strong>Don't fret, children. Rose will be shipped with someone else, Jade will get a proper burial, and, yeah. <strong>


	15. In Which We Conclude

**Errrgh. I don't have Microsoft Word or access at my house, so, rawr. **

**1.) Okay, as a promise to my readers, NO ONE ELSE WILL BE KILLED OFF (in this segment of the series). Oh, yes. It's a series. :33 **

**2.) I think this is the last chapter? I dunno. The next segment will be cool. I'll send everyone IMs when it comes out. **

**3.) Fun stuff is going to happen after this depressing stuff. Promise. **

* * *

><p>"Hey, Mom."<p>

Scabs of ice were the only reminder that winter had ever existed. The graveyard was quiet, save for the sound of birds singing, and Rose hesitated before touching the wizard headstone.

"It's been awhile," she said, coughing into her hand. "I…I really miss you."

She felt twitchy. Why did she always twitch in these sentimental moments?

"Jace and Ruby are six months old, now," she said, pulling out a picture. "Um, Jace is really cute. So is Ruby. She looks like you. And…Jon really misses you."

A cardinal screamed in the distance.

"Jade died," said Rose quietly. "I think…I don't know? I went to her funeral, met her foster brother and sister. We hang out a lot now. John and Tavros broke up. And…I really don't know what to say."

She left a few photographs, a rose, and some daisies at her mother's grave, and tried to understand why anything had happened at all.

* * *

><p><em>Writers Anonymous <em>was having its first meeting at North Public Library on April 2nd, and Nepeta was beyond excited.

She had been emailing several people back and forth, and now, hopefully, there would be an amazing amount of creativity centered in one place. She had bought cider and made brownies and was nearly vibrating with excitement when the first guest arrived.

"Hey," said the tall, skinny girl with braids and a beat up leather jacket. She looked vaguely familiar—maybe a teacher's aide?—and had Ray Bans and Chuck Taylors. "Is this WA?"

"Yes!" exclaimed Nepeta. "Welcome! I'm Nepeta Leijon, or arsenicCatnip."

The girl smiled. "I'm Meenah Peixes. I don't have a set email yet, but I thought I'd drop in and show off my zines."

"You write zines?" asked Nepeta. "That's so cool!"

"You know," said Meenah, "ironically bad zines."

There was a knock at the door, and Dave and Rose entered. "Hey!" said Nepeta, hugging them. "It's so good to see you!"

"Good to see you too, Nep," said Rose, smiling weakly. They had been getting rather close after Simon **(Okay. So the Psiionic's real name is Simon, not Silas. I fucked it up, for clarification.)** had placed them in a survivor's group together through North's psychiatric unit. The psychiatrist had also suggested writing as a coping skill, and Rose had thrown herself into memoirs and personal memoirs. Dave was writing slam poetry. "Is this it?"

"Nope!" said Nepeta. "We're expecting a few more people."

"Cool," said Dave, taking off his jacket. "We saw some kids outside. They looked vaguely familiar? I dunno."

"I wasn't really paying attention," confessed Rose. "Calliope said that she'd try to show up, if time allows."

"Cool," said Nepeta. She bit her lower lip before sipping her cider. "I think—"

The door swung open and, weirdly enough, Mr. Hussie walked in. "Am I late?" he asked, unwrapping his lengthy scarf from around his neck.

"Not at all," said Nepeta, so wrapped up in playing hostess that nothing hurt for once. "Welcome!"

"Hey, El Husso," said Meenah, sticking out a hand. "Long time no see."

"Please don't call me that," said Hussie, flinching.

"What? I thought you liked being called El Husso?"

"I…do not."

Meenah shrugged. "Whatever. You'll always be orange guy to me."

In a few brief moments, several people walked in—Tavros Nitram, Kanaya Maryam, Terezi Pyrope, Calliope Ohpee, and Kankri Vantas. Nepeta clapped her hands. This was _way_ more people than she had expected. She hoped this would be good.

"Okay," said Nepeta, tugging on her cat hat. "Welcome to the first ever meeting of _Writers Anonymous. _It's great to see all of you here. I'm actually surprised anyone came…yeah. Whatever."

She paused, sipped from her cider. "Anyway. I was thinking that we could exchange prompts and stuff and talk about our writing experiences or something like that. I'm good at ideas, not execution."

"That's all good," said Kankri, smiling.

Nepeta grinned in return. "Thank you. Okay, we have some basic rules…"

* * *

><p>Rosa was opening shop when he walked in.<p>

"Hello," he said, and she could smell the faint aroma of vanilla and strawberry. "I'm Jonathan Egbert. I think I'm scheduled for a tattoo today?"

Rosa took a moment to clarify, and then remembered. "Oh, yeah," she said, quickly standing up. "Hi. I'm Rosa Maryam."

"I'm…yeah," said Mr. Egbert. He struggled for a moment, then pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "I was wondering if you could tattoo this onto my chest?"

She took the note from him. It was a piece of notebook paper, worn and clearly having seen better days, but in the middle, there was a single word, written in pure black ink.

"_Heroic_?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," said Jon, smiling sadly. "It's for somebody I love."

Rosa led him to a chair. "Are you sure you love this person?" she asked. "I don't want to give you a tattoo of something that you'll regret."

He was quiet, indescribably silent, and she looked over his shoulder. "Sir?"

When Jon looked at her, he was deep in thought. "I love this person more than anyone I have ever known," he said finally. "And I need some way to make everything up to her, because she didn't have the chance to even survive long enough to experience—"

His voice broke off abruptly. "My wife," he said quietly. "She died in childbirth."

Rosa felt a darkness creep through her. "I'm so sorry."

"She didn't deserve to go like that," he said. "She didn't…"

He held his face in his hands. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," said Rosa, holding him. She didn't know why, but it felt ethical. "It's okay."

* * *

><p>"Miss Lalonde," said Simon, smiling broadly.<p>

She looked up from her knitting, half awake. "What?"

"I have good news," he said, holding her hand. "You are officially four months clean."

"Cool?" asked Rose, a little confused. "So?

"So you've made progress," said Simon. "You haven't tried to kill yourself, you aren't cutting, and you are coping beautifully."

Rose was silent.

"Are you excited about going to State?"

"Actually," said Rose, "I think I'm going to North Community."

Now it was Simon's turn to look confused. "Why?"

"I need to save money," said Rose, "and I'm not actually sure that the pressure of being in a university would be good for me. I'm going to take it easy."

Simon smiled again. "You are smart, kiddo."

"I try."

* * *

><p>Rose exited the office, feeling only slightly aggravated. Her new car was waiting in the parking lot—a jade green Volvo. She hadn't realized the significance of the color until after she had purchased it, and then she laughed, cried, and slapped some stickers on the bumper.<p>

_Dear Jade,_

_I wish I could've saved you. _

_-Rose _

She had left the note on her locker before the funeral. After that, an orchard of sticky notes with different messages covered the locker, the wall, everything.

_"__Jade Harley won't be an empty desk," said Aradia at the funeral. "She will be remembered as a student, a hero, and most of all, as friend."_

Rose closed her eyes, stroked the steering wheel.

She had been cremated, her ashes sent to the ocean where she was born. Rose knew that was what she wanted, but she still missed her, wanted somewhere to grieve.

_"__She was more than that," said Aradia quietly into the microphone. "She was a person, and she will be missed." _

Rose sighed, tried to push the memories of the tall, pretty girl with the crooked smile out of her head.

It didn't work.

_Dear Rose,_

_I love you! Please be okay. I miss you, but I know you are going to have a good life, even if I'm not there to see it. _

_Love, _

_Jade_

She wrote the letter as a sort of closure. Jade never really wrote, but she knew that if she did, it would sound like that.

Typed in a simple, small font and printed on green paper, Rose held the note in her hands and breathed.

* * *

><p><strong>So there we have it, the possible end to PhantasmagoriaCrystallize/Tumblr: The Musical. The sequel will be longer, cooler, and have more drama!**

**...or something.**

**You were warned. **


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